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The following was written by a long-time poster to the Usenet newsgroup rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc in response to several people's reactions to comments made Alec Guinness regarding Star Wars and some of its fans in a recent interview by Talk magazine. If you are interested in learning more about the article, please visit E! Online.

To ALL, of the Obi-Wan WAH-WAH-WHINE club... Alec Guiness (and many other stereotyped entertainers) have been yelling for *years* to "Get a life".. Now, having seen this flurry of "Posts O' Despair" coming from all of these fussy, Hamill-like, whiny wannabees, I find myself in the position of HAVING to agree with him (and them).. let me say right up front:

Why is it, that even the non-rabid fans of such shows as SW, ST, B5, etc. can become such unruly, raving, rabid compulsive-obsessives when the performers of such shows express their true opinion? Why do these anal-retentives get their bowels in such an uproar??

Do these dimwits actually think that the show was real life? or is it the fact that they don't really *have* a life, and they must substitute fiction to appear normal?

How many of these crybabies actually thought that they would become a Jedi someday? (Or command a federation ship, or defeat Evil Overlord, yada..)

...Well, it's time to yank the nose of the masses back to terra-firma.. AGAIN!

It seems that these WhinaBees haven't yet learned the difference between entertainment and the real world.. Do all of you mental hiccups react with the same aggressiveness to aspects of real day-to-day life?? Have you ever spent the weekend camped out in front of DMV? just to be the *1st* in line? How about re-reading work instructions a few times before trying to operate that unfamiliar & dangerous equipment at work?? or spending a like amount of hours to improve your neighborhoods?? I didn't think so!

(Hmmm, seems like fantasy & fiction are more important than personal safety or improving ones quality-of-life, in most of these cases... go figure!)

Do any of you WhinaBees out there put as much effort into learning, working, establishing relationships & coping with personal crisis', as you do when obsessing on such small trivialities such as Alec Guiness despising SW? or when writing hate-mail to Malcolm McDowell because his character was the villian who (FINALLY!) `offed' James Tiberius Kirk?? Again, I didn't think so!

Since the rekindling of SW mania by TPM, have any of you spent an equivalent amount of time, effort, expense & contemplation to facets of the REAL world?? (I thought not!)

I'll be the 1st to admit, I *do* hang around in this NG, & I participate.. I've rewatched the original trilogy more times than I can recall, still, I don't consider myself as obsessive about SW, ST, or any other show that I happen to enjoy.. At least, not to the degree of `alarm' that I've seen in here for the past day.. one would think that the sky was falling & the Sun was about to go supernova.. sheesh! (Remember folks, Chicken Little was a little chicken!)

I won't camp out for days/weeks/months to go see ANY form of entertainment..
(it's not like it's happening in REAL time...), I don't blow %95 of my annual take-home pay on logo-items, collectibles, toys, clothes, cards, memorabilia or other marketing rosetta-stones..

I've only watched TPM *once*, and that wasn't until a month after it was released!! (try not to go into convulsions! once was enough, given all of the rabid-obsessive hype that's been lingering around here since 1996..)

I don't attend any SW-CONS TREK-KA-CONS, or any other organized event who's sole purpose is to sell crap & brainwash the brainwashed.. nor have I felt a need for this.. It seems like there's a large percentage of CON attendees who go to these events, only because they *truly* EXPECT that the stars will remember only *them*, they also expect that the celeb's will become their best friends, discussing & trading opinions about the celeb's respective roles until eternity.. They'll also delude themselves into thinking that the stars care about them personally.. become involved with them, yada..

But still, I'm a SW fan... I do enjoy rewatching my video copies of the flicks.. I sure as hell wouldn't spend the admission fee again & again & again, etc. just to see them 1,000 times, that's just plain sick at that point!

When I think of characters from a show, I tend to think of them using their *REAL* names.. I wouldn't dream of addressing Alan Alda as "Hawkeye", Leonard Nimoy as "Spock", William Shatner as "Jim", or Carrie Fisher as "Your Highness" in a forum outside of their performances.. should I ever meet any of my favorite stars, I like to think that I can interact with them on a HUMAN level, as opposed to the one-track-mind approach of the average (rabid) fan.. This doesn't seem to deter many of you geeks out there..

A good case in point is the part Guiness interview where he not only tries to help an addicted kid by telling him that +100 trips to see ANH are *more* than enough.. of course the little kid was heart broken! `cause in reality, he was already a obsessed film-addict, who had just discovered that reality *does* exist behind that diorama of fantasies that he's built-up in his own mind..

(the reaction is akin to a junkie, who has just discovered that his favorite drug can no longer give him any of the *buzz* that he so desperately needs, & realizes that he'll never ever get that *buzz* ever again.. the wake-up call was none-too-soon, IMHO...)

The article continued on how a couple wrote him, asking for Jedi-Type advice about how their relationship should be, etc. I applaud his response of "trashing the mail AND the SW junk included for autographs".. as they are (obviously) sick, and mentally deranged to even WANT & SEEK movie-based advice from a character to determine how they should live.. (tch) I sure hope that they eventually sought help..

It's things like this that make me want to get on the theater PA system & start hollering the following diatribe to the clueless fans:

HELLO!! This is fiction, folks! Obi-Wan was born ON EARTH, given the NAME of Alec Guiness BY HIS PARENTS!! He grew from child, to adolescent, to young adult, to the person he is today.. AN ACTOR!!

HE'S A PERFORMER!! THEY ARE *ALL* PERFORMERS!! THEY GET PAID TO DO THIS!! AND THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LIKE THE CHARACTERS! OR THE SCRIPT! OR THE DIRECTOR! OR THEIR COWORKERS! OR THE MOVIE FOR THAT MATTER!

*** THEY DON'T EVEN *HAVE* TO LIKE THE OBSESSED, DELUDED FANS WHO CONSTANTLY HANG OVER THEM AND INTRUDE UPON THEIR LIVES!! ***

Obi-Wan has never been in the Clone Wars! The Clone Wars never existed!!! The Empire, the Rebels, the entire galaxy, space ships, aliens, weapons, and corny dialogue ARE ALL WORKS OF FICTION!!

The Force is just a plot device! Reality will resume after the credits are done! All they were there for was the job, the money, the experience, the travel and the perks! Once they were finished with their work, they collected the paychecks & went home!

THEY HAVE GONE ON WITH THEIR PERSONAL LIVES!! AND YOU PEOPLE JUST KEEP ON INTRUDING INTO THEIR PRIVATE LIVES, TRYING TO MERGE THEM INTO YOUR DELUDED FANTASIES!! THEN YOU BEGIN GRIPING WHEN THEY DON'T LIVE UP TO YOUR *IMAGINED* EXPECTATIONS!!

So, in closing, I want those who are still reading this long rant, to TRY not to take it personally when I tell the WhinaBees to GET A LIFE! IT'S ONLY A MOVIE!!

Cheetah!