Subject: COMING TO THEATERS ON MAY 007, 1999!
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1998 02:09:48 GMT
From: CardSafe@NOSPAMunix.asb.com (Rich Handley)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc

                Every generation has a legend...
                        Every legend has a hero....
                                Some heroes have lettuce...
                                        This hero has a license to kill...

                EON PRODUCTIONS and LUCASFILM, LTD.
                              Are Proud to Present
                              A Joint Film Venture
                      THIRTY YEARS IN THE MAKING!

                                    Frank Oz
                                    IS
                              George Fleming's
                                 James Bond
                                    in
        EPISODE ONE: THE PHANTOM IS NOT MENACE ENOUGH

                                Starring...

                Frank Oz as the voice of Bond James, Jedi Agent Secret
                Sean Connery as Emperor Blofeld
                Liam Neeson as Audric Qui-Gon Jinfinger
                Ewan McGregor as Ben Double-O-bi-wan Kenobi
                Harrison Ford as M
                18 different actors as Felix Leiter
                George Lazenby as the Other Fellow
                Monica Lewinsky as Oola (with Removable Blue Dress)
                Roger Moore as Nameless Rubber-faced Alien Guy
                Kenny Baker as Nick-Nack II
                                and
                Carrie Fisher as Princess Moneypenny Organa

                        ...with Grace Jones as the voice of Darth Vader!

                        THE CRITICS AGREE!
        "It rocks!"
                -- Margaret Thatcher, former U.K. Prime Minster
        "Be sure to miss this spectacular motion picture event!"
                -- producer Kevin McClory
        "It's a combination nature never intended!"
                -- Tropicana Twisters
        "You don't need to see his identification, but you do need to
         go see this movie."
                -- Sir Alec Guiness
        "I don't need to see his identification, but I do need to
         go see this movie."
                -- The weak-minded
        "I, of course, meant to say 'DON'T miss it.'  Um... yes..."
                -- producer Kevin McClory
        "The Phantom is Not Menace Enough -- but it sure comes close!"
                -- Gene Shallot, Punster Extrordinaire
        "Excuse me, but I do believe that I have soiled my trousers!"
                -- Desmond Llewelyn, Geriatric Thespian
        "Which doesn't mean you CAN'T miss it if you really want to..."
                -- producer Kevin McClory
        "Expecting someone else, were you, hmmm?"
                -- Pierce "Yoda" Brosnan
        "And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you
         meddling Jedi!"
                -- Old Man Palpatine, unmasked
        "You'll laugh... you'll cry... you'll kiss eight bucks goodbye!"
                -- producer Ernie Fosselius, adjusted for inflation
        "The best Lucasfilm project since Howard the Duck!"
                -- Some idiot
        "The best Bond film since Moonraker!"
                -- Same idiot
        "In fact, you might as well miss it altogether, now that I think
         about it, and instead go see my upcoming rival James Bond
         film, Never Say I Have A Bad Feeling About This 2000!"
                -- producer Kevin McClory
        "Can I be in it?  Come on, please?"
                -- Mark Hamill
        "Daddy hat?  Mommy hat?  Emily lunch cheese?  *MY* crayons!"
                -- Emily Megan Handley, toddler supreme

          ***James Bond Will Return in "Lightsaber in His Pocket!"***

Sincerely,

Rich Handley (CardSafe@NO-SPAMunix.asb.com)