Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc
Subject: Re: Top Ten Possible Reasons Porkins died in Star Wars
From: chewie@demon.co.uk*remove* (James Trory)
Date: Wed, 20 Aug 1997 23:33:40 GMT

10. The script said he died.

9. Porkins had to borrow Wedge's flight-suit because he'd been sick on
his during his drinking binge and it was about 15 sizes too small.

8. He couldn't be arsed with The Empire Strikes Back, because after
all, everyone on the set knew ANH would be a turkey and not even break
equal.

7. He was so big and the cock-pit was so small that he was actually
sitting on the ejector leaver and couldn't reach it.

6. He figured dying a hero in Star Wars and getting himself an
undeserved fan base would stand him in good sted of getting that part
in Batman.

5. He had a beard, so it was inevitable.

4. He couldn't remember if it was "push up to go down" or "push down
to go down" when flying in space, got it wrong and was hit.

3. Wedge's comment "Look at the size of that thing" had reminded him
of Bertha the X-wing engineer he'd spent the previous night with and
whilst thinking about how he was going to finance the upbringing of a
son he was shot down.

2. "I can hold it" referred to the full bladder Porkins was suffering
from after a night out with the lads, which made him explode.

1. The TIE Fighter pilot in front of him had stuck a Playboy
centerfold to the back window and Porkins was distracted for the
briefest of seconds.

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Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc
Subject: Re: Top Ten Least Popular Star Wars Toys
From: chewie@demon.co.uk*remove* (James Trory)
Date: Wed, 20 Aug 1997 23:33:32 GMT

10. George Lucas with "We've run out of cash" ANH expression.

9. Kenneth Branagh Obi-Wan with "super darlings" voice chip.

8. Stormtrooper with detachable door accessory.

7. "These boots don't fit, dear boy" Tarkin + slippers.

6. Shaven Wookiee shower scene.

5. Lobot + removable toupes and hair-pieces.

4. Gay Luke and Han deluxe set.

3. Slimey, double-crossing, no-good swindler Lando with lie chip.

2. Naked Palpatine with telescopic..... uh.... with Force lightning.

1. Charcoal skeleton Owen and Beru.