INT. KENOBI'S DWELLING

The small, spartan hovel is cluttered with desert junk but still manages
to radiate an air of time-worn comfort and security.  Luke is in corner
repairing Threepio's arm, as old Ben sits thinking.

LUKE:	No, my father didn't troll in the wars.  He was a web designer
	for GalacticSpice.Com.

BEN: 	That's what your uncle told you.  He didn't hold with your
	father's ideals.  Thought he should have stayed here and
	not gotten involved.

LUKE:	You trolled in the Bandwidth Wars?

BEN:	Yes, I was once a Jedi Troll, the same as your father.

LUKE:	I wish I'd known him.

BEN:	He was the best troll in the galaxy, and a cunning
	spammer.  I understand you've become quite a good troll
	yourself.  And he was a good friend.  Which reminds me...

Ben gets up and goes to a chest where he rummages around.  As Luke
finishes repairing Threepio and starts to fit the IP tracker back on,
Threepio looks at him nervously.  Luke thinks about the tracker for
a moment then puts it on the table.  Ben shuffles up and presents Luke 
with a short handle with several electronic gadgets attached to it.

BEN:	I have something for here for you. Your father wanted you
	to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't
	allow it.  He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some
	damned-fool trollish crusade like your father did.

THREEPIO:	Sir, if you'll not be needing me, I'll shut down
		my kernel for a while.

LUKE:	Sure, go ahead.

Ben hands luke the device.

LUKE:	What is it?

BEN:	Your father's open mail relay.  This is the weapon of a
	Jedi Troll.  Not as clumsy or as random as an anonymous
	remailer.

Luke pushes a button on the device.  A long beam shoots out about four
feet with a list of servers he may choose to troll and spam from without
fear of detection.

BEN:	An elegant weapon for a more civilized time.  For over
	a thousand generations the Jedi Trolls were the guardians
	of absurd questions and inane remarks in the Usenet
	Republic.  Before the dark times, before AOL.

Luke hasn't really been listening.

LUKE:	How did my father die?

BEN:	A young Jedi named Darth Vader, who was a pupil of mine until
	he turned evil, helped AOL hunt down and destroy the Jedi
	Trolls.  He IM'ed and IP tracked your father.
	Now the Jedi are all but extinct.  Vader was seduced by
	the dark side of the Force.

LUKE:	The Force?

BEN:	Well, the Force is what gives the Jedi his power.  It's an
	energy field created by ethernet cables.  It surrounds us
	and penetrates us.  It binds the internet together.

Artoo makes beeping sounds.

BEN:	Now, let's see if we can't figure out what you are, my little
	friend.  And where you came from.

LUKE:	I saw part of the MPEG he was...

Luke is cut short as the MPEG of the beautiful young rebel princess
is projected from Artoo's face.

BEN:	I seem to have accessed it.

Luke stops his work as the lovely girl's image flickers before his eyes.

LEIA:	General Kenobi, years ago you trolled my father in the Bandwidth
	Wars.  Now he begs you to help him in his struggle against AOL.
	I regret that I am unable to present my father's request to you
	in person, but my connection has has been traced and I'm afraid
	my mission to bring you to Alderaan Freenet has failed.  I have
	placed network architecture vital to the survival of the
	Rebellion into the root directory of this R2 unit.  My
	father will know how to access it.  You must see this droid
	safely delivered to him	at Alderaan Freenet.  This is our most
	desperate hour.  Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only troll.

There is a little static and the MPEG is cut short.  Old Ben leans back and
scratches his head.  He silently puffs on a tarnished chrome water pipe.
Luke has stars in his eyes.

BEN:	You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with
	me to Alderaan Freenet.

LUKE:	(laughing) Alderaan?  I'm not going to Alderaan Freenet.  I've
	got to go home.  It's late, I won't be able to check e-mail as
	it is.

BEN:	I need your help, Luke.  She needs your help.  I'm getting too
	old for this sort of trolling.

LUKE:	I can't get involved! I've got code to do!  It's not that I like
	AOL.  I hate it!  But there's nothing I can do about it right
	now.  It's a long-distance connect charge from here.

BEN:	That's your uncle talking.

LUKE:	(sighing) Oh, God, my uncle.  How am I ever going to explain this?

BEN:	Learn about the Force, Luke.

LUKE:	Look, I can take you as far as Anchorhead Dial-Up.  You can
	get a connection there to Mos Eisley or wherever you're
	FTPing.

BEN:	You must do what you feel is right, of course.