A large, somewhat worse for wear book appears at the center of an otherwise
black screen. Slowly, its pages are turned by an invisible hand as the
voice-over speaks:

"For hundreds of entire generations, people have experienced...
Scripture.... in the only way it's been possible: in an old,
scruffy-lookin' book. But if you've only seen it this way, you haven't seen
it at all!"

Suddenly, a huge crucifix flies out of the book and towards the audience,
jinking and waving like a starfighter then disappearing in this distance. 


"Now, for its two-thousandth anniversary, and just in time for The
Apocalypse, 20th Century Fox and God are bringing the biggest selling book
in history to the big screen... in a way you've never seen before!"

The CGI-version of Goliath appears on screen -- mighty impressive. He
slings a rock at David but misses. David slings back and hits Goliath in
the eye. Startled, Goliath recoils, and two jewish midgets fall of his back
in comical fashion, yelling "Oi gevalt!" in a high-pitched voice.


"With newly enhanced special effects..."

The excellent water-effects of the Great Flood are now seen. This is the
reason the project went so far over budget.


"THX and digital sound..."

The three remastered cock-a-doodle-doo's burst through the speakers.


"And a few new scenes..."

'Look God, next time you wanna talk to us, come see us yourself. Don't send
one of those twerps!' -- 'Romans, me bukis, why did you crucify poor
Jesus?'


"On Januari 1st, 2000, we invite you to welcome back: Jesus Christ,
Abraham, the virgin Mary, God, Mozes, Satan, and St. Peter, in THE BIBLE
TRILOGY, APOCALYPSE EDITION."

"Finally, the Word of God the way it was meant to be experienced... As the
entire Bible Trilogy returns: On Januari 1st, The Old Testament, followed
soon after by The New Testament, and then.. the Apocrypha."

"All with newly enhanced effects, and a few new shocking surprises:"

Satan stands on a raised walkway as Jesus desperately clings to the cross.
'God never told you about your father' -- 'He told me enough, He told me He
*is* my father!'... 'No...'


"For an entire generation who've yet to experience it, and want to do so
before Judgment Day is upon us... and for everyone else, to experience it
again!"


"Bible Trilogy: Apocalypse Edition. See it again... for the LAST time!"