Date: Sat, 12 Aug 2000 01:55:48 -0700 From: Rabid Hoojib Subject: [Vintage Humour/Vintage Repost] Re: George Lucas is a bologna sandwich.. John Donchig wrote: > No he's not. He's a Dorito =) > John D. --------------- You are wrong, your Highness.. He's a Ham, like his father before him.. >[Uh-oh! Star Wars HAMS!! "Join us now, as "RETURN OF THE JELL-I" continues.."] --------------- > Emperor Palstrami: "It is time, young RyeStalker to take your Fodder's place at the table.. you cannot resist the Rump side of the Pork.. it is an ..edible.." > Luke RyeStalker: "You are wrong, your Porkness.. Soon, I will break bread ..and you along *with* me.." > Emperor Palstrami: "Of course, you're referring to your `lil Vegetable Treat.. I've already planned for them as well. ..They are of little, or no condiments to me.." > Luke RyeStalker: "Your older-condiments will lead to your undoing!" > Emperor PalStrami: "And your faith in `yer Grains will yours, young RyeStalker! Soon, I will have eliminated the Last of the Jell-I's ..AND.. be rid of the Vegetable Alliance in one fell swoop.." [Luke smirks, as he imagines Emperor PalStrami chugging prune-juice..] > Emperor PalStrami: "Your Vegetable Treat is headed into a trap - It was *I* who allowed the location of this cooking station to be known to you Vegetables, It was *I* who allowed them to discover the location of the Veal Refridgerator.. your Veggy squads will be dealt with most appropriately, young Jell-I, I'm quite sure.." [Luke's smirk suddenly falls apart, like a decayed 40 year-old Jack-O-Lantern falling into a high-speed blender on `Puree'] > Emperor PalStrami: "..I assure you, we are QUITE safe from your pitiful band of gerbils, an entire LEGION of my *best* cooks are out there waiting to stew them, their time to simmer is almost done! ..their Goose is cooked! ..Oh, I'm afraid the Nutritional Peel's will be QUITE indigestable by the time your Vegetable Treat arrives.." [Luke remains silent, his expression that of someone who's chopped a lotta onions..] > Emperor PalStrami: "The Vege-Bullion's time is almost up! It's almost done!! ..I've even cooked-up a little surprise for your pathetic Vegetable Treat.. the Main Browning-Laser of this cooking-station is now operational! ...Witness the power of this FULLA-CHOLESTERAL cooking station in operation!" [PalStrami lifts a comlink & tells the Braising Officer: "You may Fry'em, when ready..." ..he then notices that Luke is staring at his Jell-I "LimeShaver" $ salivating heavily..) > Emperor PalStrami: "..Do you WANT *this*, young RyeStalker? ...well.. Go ahead, I won't stop you.. Take up your utensil & strike me dead.. I'm unpeeled and completely Kelp-less, do your worse.. It's time to FINISH the rest of your pitiful `straining', young Jell-I.. This is your dressin-ty!"' [Luke struggles in vain to forego the LimeShaver, AND the Potato-Peeler tucked under his robe, desperately wishing for `a good salad-shooter at his side'..] > Emperor PalStrami: "The more you try to baste Palm's, the more you become MINE! ..soon you will embrace the Rump side of the Pork.. I have forseen it.." > Luke RyeStalker: "NOOO!! I'll never dine like you! I'm a vegemite, like this fodder before me! (pointing at salad-bowl) You have lost, your denseness... your Ham has spoiled, Emperor.." > Emperor PalStrami: "Sooo, if that is your final answer, then, so-BE-it, young fool... (Setting the microwave controls to `broil') If you refuse to jaw-on the Rump side, then, you - will - Fry!" [PalStrami presses `start', Luke starts sizzling.. he also starts screaming shortening-ly thereafter] > Luke RyeStalker: "AHHHH!! ARRGHH!! SCREECH!! Hey, You never heard of Medium RARE, for Crisco's sake?!?! SCREAM!! SHRIEK!!! Fodder!! Help Me - PLEASE!! > Emperor Palstrami: "Young fool, only now - towards the end do you understand the stew that you are in.. (PalStrami whips out a spatula) ..Now it's time for the `final' grilling.." > Luke RyeStalker: "NOOO!! Fodder, PLEASE!! PLEASE-PLEASE!! ..pass the PEAS!!! He's GRILLING me!!" > Emperor Palstrami: "So long, young Jell-I.. (cranks the power up) ..you're hopeless plans were half-baked to begin with.." etc. --- =) 8========##<^>##========8 >>>>----> {Çheetah} 8========##<^>##========8 > "...use the FORKS, Luke...." (Obi-Wan at the dinner table)