Subject: Big Trouble... Date: Tue, 10 Oct 2000 12:45:12 GMT From: Jedah Organization: Deja.com - Before you buy. Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Got a new copy of Big Trouble in Little China last night (my original broke from being watched too much...was stuck with a crappy TNT taped version). Big Trouble in Little Tattooine shall continue... *Mixed Scene - Han and Luke are playing Fan Tan on the streets of Tattooine* Han: [Turning over pieces to win the last game] HA! What do you think of that! That's how you play Fan Tan!!! [Other players leave, including the dealer] Han: Hey! It's a new day and you wanna give up when the man's still got 100 credits in his pockets! Not that I'm complaining, I'm sure old Han woulda lost his shirt in the next 20 minutes. Well, Luke, easy come, easy go, huh? Luke: [looks at Han] No. C'mon, nothing or double. Han: I gotta get going kid. We'll settle this some other time. Luke: [slams lightsaber into metal table, creating sparks] No, we settle this now... Han: [looking a bit stunned] Is this gonna get ugly, Luke? I mean, I thought what we were, planetary differences aside, were just a couple of old friends, a couple of humans... Luke: Nothin' or double, Han. Han: I got a lot of money here, Luke, over a thousand credits. Luke: One thousand two hundred and forty eight to be exact. Nothin' or double...this saber cuts this bottle in half. Han: [grins] O.k....but not that bottle. [finishes a Corellian ale] This bottle. [Luke grins and puts it in front of him, on its side] God love you, Luke, you're crazy! Luke: [swings saber down, hitting the bottle and sending it sliding towards Han at high speed] Han: [catches bottle, drops it, whips his blaster out and fires over Luke's shoulder, putting a hole through Greedo] All in the reflexes. Luke: It always works at home. Han: Well take me there some time and prove it. For now, pay up, 1,248 credits times two. Luke: I ain't got that kinda money, I'm just a po' Tattooine boy. Han: You own a vaporator farm, that's a lot more than me. Luke: Oh yeah...what I meant was, I don't have that much on me. Come by the farm later and I'll pay you then. Han: You pay me now. Luke: You don't trust me? Han: I don't trust nobody. Luke: I have to go somewhere. Han: Where? Luke: Alderaan. Han: Over my dead body. Luke: If need be, Han. Han: What's on Alderaan? Luke: A girl... Han: O.k....I'll follow you. Luke heads to his X-wing, Han to the Falcon. Han suddenly grabs Luke by the scruff of his neck and moves him to the Falcon. Luke: You were gonna follow me... Han: Yeah, then I came to my senses.. Muab'dib Jedah Ooh I LIKE it, I LIKE it! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: Big Trouble... Date: Tue, 10 Oct 2000 16:06:44 GMT From: Jedah Organization: Deja.com - Before you buy. Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Jack Skywalker and Darth Thunder have just fought in the throne room of the Porkchop II. Jack's sliced off Thunder's arm with his boot light- knife and stops, seeing the goo, and looks at the mess on his hand. He throws the weapon away. Jack: You know what Jack Skywalker says at a time like this? Thunder: Who? Jack: Me...Jack Skywalker. I say...what the hell. You've failed, Lo Pan, I'm a Chinese Jedi, like Wang Chi before me. Emperor Lo Pan: So be it, Chinese Jedi! [energy crackles from his mouth and eyes to hit Jack] Jack: [writhes in pain] Please...Wang Chi...Egg...somebody...help... Emperor Lo Pan: Only now at the end do you understand the true nature of the Sorcery. Jack: [still in pain] I don't get it... Emperor Lo Pan: You were not put upon this world to "get it", Mr. Skywalker. [picks up Jack's light-knife] Good knife. Goodbye, Mr. Skywalker. Lo Pan throws the light knife. Jack catches it and throws it back effortlessly. The light knife impales the Emperor in the head, he stumbles and falls off the platform, exploding in dragon jade fire. Thunder: [rapidly expanding] Help me take this belt off, that I may explode on you with full force. Jack runs and gets out of the room before Thunder explodes. Later, on Endor, Jack walks into the Tsang Tse village amid all the yellow turbans and greets Wang Chi Solo and Gracie Organa. Wang Chi Solo: Here you go Jack...nothin' or triple. Jack: Nothin' or double. Wang Chi Solo: You earned it Jack. Jack: [thinks to himself, looks over to see the three storms as ghosts, looking mighty pissed at him..he takes the offered check] You're right. Jack begins to leave. Margot, the forgotten about X-Wing Pilot who served little purpose, looks at Jack and then at Gracie. Margot: Aren't you gonna kiss her goodbye? Jack: [looks at Princess Gracie] Nope. Jack walks out. Cut scene to Jack flying a space truck ala Space Truckers (a horrid movie). Jack: When the lightning's flaring and the thunder's raging and the pillars of heaven are shaking, you just remember what old Jack Skywalker says...May the Force be with ya. Cut to scene of the back of the truck where a hapless storm trooper is hanging on and making his way up to the cab. *End* Muab'dib Jedah I think we need multiple versions to cover this all ;) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: SITH WAR VII: Worm Sign Date: Wed, 11 Oct 2000 15:43:53 GMT From: Jedah Organization: Deja.com - Before you buy. Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc > > Maud'dib Jedah > > Don't make me bring in Lo Pan > > Please, Jedah?-) > > Pol' O.k. then, I will: *********** David Lo Pan wheeled about in his electric wheelchair. Thunder, Rain and Lightning kneeled before him. "I must find the girl with the jade green eyes!" Rain looked up, "Sir, what about jade, leader of the Porkinites?" Lo Pan looked at his lieutenant. "I thought jade was a man?" Rain shrugged, "After that Gender Bender ray hit RASSM City, who's to know the difference?" Lo Pan considered this. "Send the Lords of Death. I want this jade captured alive, and bring her back to Chinatown." Lightning and Thunder quickly ran off to carry out their master's orders. Rain remained. "Sir, what about...him?" "Who, that idiot Jack Burton?" Lo Pan asked rubbing his forehead slightly. "No, the one they call Maud'dib..." Rain hesitated. "He is of no concern to me. I doubt he will mind if we eliminate the leader of his hated enemy. Bah, peasant magic anyway! Speaking of which, find Egg Chen...I've heard he was skulking about RASSM City," Lo Pan ordered. Rain nodded and left quickly. "So, Shin Dai will be appeased, my curse will be lifted. Oh, to have the flesh of a young man again...wait, that sounds wrong...to be a young man again, yes, much better. No longer trapped in this wheelchair," David Lo Pan said, wheeling off into his dark office. Far far away a red 80's Firebird roared down the ruined streets of RASSM City carrying three Chinese street punks towards the Hall of Ham. Egg Chen, sitting on a bench watching as the legs of a destroyed battle droid hobbled about, frowned as the Lords of Death passed him. "Just as always...it starts very small..." the old wizard said with a sigh.