From: "Mark A. Brown" Subject: (Humour) Ducks! Date: 13 Apr 2000 00:00:00 GMT Courtesy of the hardworking lunatics at the XWA.net forums. (And inspired by the infamous "pants" lines.) (Unfunny ones snipped) THE PHANTOM DUCK: Do you hear that? That is the sound of a thousand terrible ducks coming this way... Ducks *will* do fine. ::waves hand:: I'm not going in there with two Jedi. Send the duck. But Master Yoda said I should be mindful of the duck. Don't worry. It hasn't been our day for warm ducks. Our ducks are dying, Senator. Did you come here to free the ducks? At last we will reveal ourselves to the ducks. At last we will have our revenge. The duck is dangerous, Master. They all sense it. Why can't you? It's an invasion duck. You were right about one thing, Master. The ducks were short. I will not condone a course of action that will lead us to ducks. You refer to the prophecy of the duck who will bring balance to the force? Ducks have grand army. That's why you no liking us meesa thinks. The council has granted me permission to train you. You will be a duck. I was not elected to watch my ducks suffer and die while you discuss this invasion in a committee! You see your Majesty, now they will elect a new duck . Chancellor Valorum is mired in baseless accusations of Duckness. Enter the ducks, the real rulers of the Senate. (My personal favourite. ^_^ ) It is now clear to me that the duck ceases to function. This is your duck, Senator, I must return to mine. A duck are you? I shall train the duck. But you already have one Duck. That little duck is out of his mind. Wipe the ducks out, all of them. He can help ducks. He was meant to help ducks. He can see ducks before they happen. Obi-Wan: What's this? Qui-Gon: A duck. Don't center on your duck, Obi-Wan. He did it! The little duck did it! Hmph! Qui-Gon's duck, you do not need. This is Sabe, my duck. Promise me you will train the duck... Once those ducks take control of the surface, they will take control of you. Not even Yoda has a duck count that high. Why do I get the feeling we've picked up another pathetic duck? Yousa ducks gonna die? The duck was supposed to be far away, this is too close! A Duck Lord, here? He will find your missing duck. Tatooine is controlled by the ducks. The Ducks? They're gangsters! You can't take the queen there! A NEW DUCK: Governor Tarkin - I thought I recognized your fowl duck when I was brought on board. We don't serve their kind. Your ducks...they'll have to wait outside. Tell Uncle Owen if he gets a protocol droid, be sure it speaks duck. If you strike me down, I will become duckier than you can imagine. You must learn the ways of the duck if you are to come with me to Alderaan. He claims to be searching for his former Master, but I've never seen such devotion in a duck. Who is the more foolish? The fool or the duck who follows him? You don't need to see his ID. These aren't the ducks you're looking for. General Kenobi, years ago you served my father in the duck wars... No! Alderaan is a peaceful planet. We have no ducks! I used to bullseye ducks in my T-16 back home. They're not much bigger than two metres. Look, sir, ducks. The ducks will be with you...always. I'm Han Solo. Captain of the Millennium Duck. 10,000? We could almost by our own duck for that! If Solo's duck is as fast as he's boasting, we should be all right. That's no duck. It's a space station. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good duck at your side. Duck Vader. Only you could be so bold. The Duck will be with you, always. Into the duck, flyboy. (or "duct") But sir - nobody worries about upsetting a duck. That's 'cause a duck don't pull people's arms outta their sockets. Aren't you a little short for a duck? You can waste time with your ducks when your chores are done. Look, Jabba, next time you want to talk to me, come and see me yourself. Don't send one of those ducks. Use the duck, Luke! My ally is the Duck, and a powerful ally it is. Vader: The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner. Now I am the Master. Ben: "Only a master of Ducks, Darth." But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power Ducks! What an incredible new Duck you've discovered! Look at the size of that Duck! I'm not such a bad Duck myself. What a hunk of Duck! THE DUCK STRIKES BACK: A duck? I like the sound of that. I think you like me because I'm a duck... I don't know where you get your delusions, duck brain. You arrogant, half-witted, scruffy looking duck herder. Who you calling a duck? I am C-3P0, human/duck relations... Duck accepted, Captain Needa. You truly belong here among the ducks. Well your Highness, I guess this is it. That's right. Well don't get all ducky on me, your Worship. I'd just as soon kiss a duck! Duck or duck not, there is no try. Away put your duck. I mean you no harm! Ducks don't make one great. We shall rule as father and duck. Adventure. Ducks. A Jedi craves not these things. Don't give into the ducks--that leads to the dark side. Maybe you _don't_ know everything there is to know about Ducks. This Duck is getting worse all the time! The first duck is away. The first duck is away. Imperial Ducks have entered the base! Imperial Ducks have- *chtck* Leia: "I love ducks. Han: "I know. RETURN OF THE DUCK The son of Skywalker must not become a Duck. I don't think the Empire had ducks in mind when they designed her! He's more duck now than man. You have a twin duck! You have duck sickness. In time you shall call me duck. Because, he's got a *duck*! My Ducks aren't picking up anything. Are you sure? It is against my programming to impersonate a duck. I believe they think I am a duck. It's a duck! Tell your duck you were right about me, Luke... Tell your duck you were right... Mark "Who are you calling a quackpot?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Subject: Re: (Humor) Ducks! From: Cheetah! Date: 4/13/2000 Mark A. Brown" wrote: *snip* I'll bet you were quacking-up over each one of these... > Mark > "Who are you calling a quackpot?" I thought they smelled like Ducks, on the OUT-side... Only ducks are so precise.. She can make .5 beyond the speed of Duck.. Chewbacca here knows of a Duck we can make use of.. "I'm a Toydarian.. Ducks don't work on me, only bills..." "Duck-Duck, commander.." <-> "Don't make me Goose you!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- From: mhalbrook@uswest.net (Mike Halbrook) Subject: Re: (Humour) Ducks! Date: 14 Apr 2000 00:00:00 GMT cheetah@WHINELESSLanti-social.com (çhêêtah¡) wrote: >Only ducks are so precise.. > >She can make .5 beyond the speed of Duck.. > >Chewbacca here knows of a Duck we can make use of.. > >"I'm a Toydarian.. Ducks don't work on me, only bills..." > >"Duck-Duck, commander.." <-> "Don't make me Goose you!" In reading this, I'm reminded of a line from the Star Wars Novelization, where Obi-Wan tells Luke he's take to the force like a "Duck to water" always thought that was Odd to be left in there, since as I understand it, Lucas was trying to avoid such earthly ties.. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Cheetah! Subject: Re: (Humour) Ducks! Date: 14 Apr 2000 00:00:00 GMT Mike Halbrook wrote: > In reading this, I'm reminded of a line from the Star Wars Novelization, > where Obi-Wan tells Luke he's take to the force like a "Duck to water" > always thought that was Odd to be left in there, since as I understand it, > Lucas was trying to avoid such earthly ties.. Well, then he should have pulled the dice hanging in the MF's cockpit outta there.. Vader: "The last time we met, you were the Master.. NOW, I am just ducky..." > --- Dr. Evizan: "You just watch yourself.. I have the Duck penalty in 11 systems.." > --- Greedo: "Jabba doesn't need pilots, who dump their ducks at the 1st sight of an Imperial Destroyer.." > --- Greedo: "Jabba doesn't need ducks, who drop their bills, at the 1st sight of an Imperial Destroyer.." > --- Leia: "You came in that duck? You're braver than I thought!" > --- Leia: "You came in that duck? You're more jaded than I thought!" > --- Leia: "Into the garbage-chute, duck-boy!" Han: "No duck is worth this!" > --- Leia: "Where's the controls that extend the duck?" Luke: "I think I just blasted them..." > --- Luke: "No!" Han blasts away, the blaster-bolt richochets Luke: "It's Duck-etically shielded, I already checked!" > --- Vader: "If this ship is on an Ambassadorial mission, then ..where's.. the Duck?" > --- Tarkin: "Evacuate?!? In our moment of triumph?!? I think you over-estimate their ducks!" ----------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Roy W. Andersen Subject: Re: (Humour) Ducks! Date: 14 Apr 2000 00:00:00 GMT On Thu, 13 Apr 2000 11:31:49 -0400, "Mark A. Brown" wrote: >THE PHANTOM DUCK: > >Ducks *will* do fine. ::waves hand:: You *will* do ducks. ::waves hand:: >I'm not going in there with two Jedi. Send the duck. I'm not going in there with two ducks. Send the chicken. >You refer to the prophecy of the duck who will bring balance to the force? You refer to the prophecy of the chicken who will bring balance to the ducks? >Hmph! Qui-Gon's duck, you do not need. Hmph! Qui-Gon's duck I sense with you. Need that you do not. >A NEW DUCK: > >Tell Uncle Owen if he gets a protocol droid, be sure it speaks duck. Tell Uncle Owen if he gets a protocol duck, be sure it doesn't cross the road. >Who is the more foolish? The fool or the duck who follows him? Who is the duck? The duck or the duck who ducks him? >You don't need to see his ID. These aren't the ducks you're looking for. You don't need to see his ducks... >That's 'cause a duck don't pull people's arms outta their sockets. I suggest a new strategy R2. Let the duck win. >But I was going to Toshi Station to pick up some power Ducks! Power ducks! Waaaaaa! >THE DUCK STRIKES BACK: > >Adventure. Ducks. A Jedi craves not these things. A duck craves not these things. >RETURN OF THE DUCK > Han will have that duck down, we've gotta give him more time! What? But how can they be ducking us if they don't know... that we're quacking! As a token of my good will I present to you a gift - these two ducks. Duck? Duck? Where?! Oh, I'm afraid the duck will be fully operational when your friends arrive... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- From: Policrat' & Cheetah! Date: Unknown >"That shot came from the DuckStar!! It's SuperQuacker is activated!" >"Admiral! We better duck, before our Goose is cooked!" >"I sure don't want to lose this fleet to a bunch of `blind' shots! >..Rebel Fleet! go to DUCK formation, and cover our Mallard butts as we >duck out of here!" > The duck will be with you... always.. >Don't get quacky, kid! -----------------------------------------------------------------------