From: Scott Chitwood Subject: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Fri, 20 Sep 1996 15:01:25 -0500 Howdy! Kenner has announced that it will finally produce a Slave Girl Outfit Princess Leia. Hormonally Supercharged teens everywhere rejoiced till they saw the design. Leia looked like Bea Arthur in a bikini. Scalpers everywhere plan to charge $100 each for the monstrosity. Scott PS Sorry for all these fake posts. It's been kind of slow here on RASSM lately! :) From: CardSafe@unix.asb.com (Rich Handley) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Sat, 21 Sep 1996 16:44:50 GMT Kenner has also announced that it will be producing a Luke in Whnining Mode. It comes with a screwed-up facial expression and will flounce out of the room like a spoiled child if you don't let it go to the Academy. If you push the special "action button" on Luke's back, it will spout a variety of whiney phrases, including... "But I wanted to go into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!" "Oh, Biggs is right -- I'm never gonna get out of here!" "But it's a whole 'nother year!" "Yeah, that's what you said when Biggs and Tank left!" "Noooooooo! It can't be!!!! It's impossible!" From: mcmikeyb@aol.com (McMIKEYB) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: 21 Sep 1996 19:08:12 -0400 Did you hear about the Lando and Han figures that you can remove their clothes? See, a little known plot twist is that before Lando lost the Falcoln he lost his clothes. They were playing Strip Sabaac. It's going to be in the prequels, honestly! ILM is getting Billy Dee and Harrison to do the scene and then they're using CG to make them look younger. It's so true! So Kenner wanted to make figures for this key moment. I heard it from some guy who have a friend who's uncle owns Kenner or something like that. From: James Trory Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 04:13:56 +0100 Has anyone heard the rumours about an "Exploding Greedo" action figure? I just phoned up Ken from Kenner, and he told me they've just started the initial designs. The idea is that you sit your Greedo action figure in front of your Han Solo action figure, simulate some Rodian gibberish, and then blow him up!! You get a small dynamite plunger and everything! Although Ken said they were still trying to figure a way of being able to put your "Exploding Greedo" action figure back together after you've blown it up! It's true, I swear!!! Check out Insider #50! From: whit9463@goshawk.csrv.uidaho.edu (Brian White) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: 22 Sep 1996 06:55:05 GMT How about the new Action Firing Stormtroopers. They automatically miss everything you point them at. Spring-Loaded Luke Skywalker. Press down and Luke's legs compress a special spring. Hit the switch in his ass and the figure flies 20 ft. straight up. Computer Socket Artoo. All-metal R2-D2 has pop-out plug. Insert into any standard light socket and Artoo starts smoking and sparking. Great fun. Crap-covered Chewie. Real fur covers this new toy of everyone's favorite Wookie. Just dip him in the nearest toilet, septic tank, or open sewer and he smells just like he came out of the trash compactor. Smell stays forever, so you never have to dip him again. Special Pre-carbon Han Solo. Han Solo with his vest off just like at the end of ESB. But wait! Just dip him in warm water, or zoom in close with a camera, and his vest magically appears! From: CardSafe@unix.asb.com (Rich Handley) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 02:28:50 GMT Lines: 24 Hey, I just spoke with my friend, George L. (he has asked me not to tell you his actual last name... you know how it is... low profile and all that....) Anyway, he told me of a new Star Wars product coming out from Kenner very soon... The Star Wars Smell-o-Matic (tm), which allows you to put your Kenner Star Wars (tm) dolls in situations in which they will smell bad odors! Even better, you can also smell these odors as well, simply by pushing the "Nose of Palpatine" button on the front of the package! The smells include... 1) the inside of a tauntaun.... and you thought they smelled bad on the outside! 2) the inside of a trash compactor... what an incredible new smell you'll discover! 3) the inside of Imperial armor... even if you're a little short for a Stormtrooper! Yes, friends, the Star Wars Smell-o-Matic (tm).... the very ESSENCE of the Force! From: Scott Chitwood Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Sun, 22 Sep 1996 22:21:38 -0500 Howdy! My sources at Kenner have informed me that that there will be a new Taun Taun figure with real guts. (Actually Chicken guts and spaghetti) You insert the guts into the figure, slice it open, then stick Luke in. You'll be able to find it in the frozen food section of your grocery store! Scott From: Rakelle Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 09:19:22 +0200 Through certain channels I have got news of the new Wicket figure. Complete with plush fur and a real pebble on a piece of string to wrap around head, and by twisting a lever, it'll wrap its arms around the leg of any standard action figure. Set will be expanded with other Ewoks to form a whole village, and there are plans for a baby Ewok as well, delivered with basket. Rakelle From: Amara Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 18:53:06 +0800 Oh! And hat about the slobber-ooze Sarlaac pit! Yes, that's right kiddies, it comes with concentrated Hydrochloric acid for that real digestive charm! Feed it your toys! Feed it your brothers pet hamster, but whatever you do, don't feed it sodium! Comes complete with safety glasses and acid proof Tongs. :) Snip out the coupon and send away for screaming skif guard! Amy From: shl10@cornell.edu (Simon H. Lee) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Mon, 23 Sep 96 13:08:20 GMT In article , Amara wrote: >Oh! And hat about the slobber-ooze Sarlaac pit! Yes, that's right >kiddies, it comes with concentrated Hydrochloric acid for that real >digestive charm! Feed it your toys! Feed it your brothers pet hamster, >but whatever you do, don't feed it sodium! Comes complete with safety >glasses and acid proof Tongs. :) > >Snip out the coupon and send away for screaming skif guard! > >Amy Did somebody propose the Toilet Dianoga yet... ? (argh, that was a disgusting idea) From: "Nobody. Fnord" Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: Mon, 23 Sep 1996 17:44:52 -0500 I don't see how any of you, with all your insider knowledge, could have forgotten to mention the Choke Action Tagge figure... Or the talking Gonk figure ("Gonk. Gonk. I am God Gonk." ;). The message above and everything in it was written by me, the Blueslurker formerly known as Thany. Don't like it? Well, pbbthht. :P "...a five-ounce bird could not carry a six-line .signature!" "It could be carried by an African swallow!" "Oh, well, yes an African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow, that's my point..." [read alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk, you big idiot.] . [MHM: (7x2)] From: gonkite@aol.com (Gonkite) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: 23 Sep 1996 22:43:23 -0400 George Lucas jist announced a 50% price decrease in ALL official Star Wars merchandise. This massive initiative, sponsored by PepsiCo, is set to revolutionise the art of merchandising: and the price drop will encompass all official toys, books, magazines, and movies. A new line of books has also been announced. These will tell stories of Gonk, and will be officially canon. Additionally, George is giving out free copies of the Special Edition Trilogy on VHS to the first 500 callers to 1-800-98-LUCAS. Shipment will occur as soon as the SEs are on screen at the cinema. Oh wait, no... it's just come through that George Lucas doesn't actually care about the fans and the prices will in fact be staying at their current exorbitant levels, set to rise at 3 times inflation over the next 20 years. As for the rest ... well .... here's hoping. (: Martin :) From: whit9463@buzzard.csrv.uidaho.edu (Brian White) Subject: Re: Slave Girl Leia Figure from Kenner! Date: 26 Sep 1996 00:57:53 GMT ALL NEW!!! Jeremy Buloch figure with Boba Fett uniform AND Imperial Officer uniform! Interchangable. Cantina Playset with bartender and real alcohol. Jawa Sandcrawler. 3ft tall with vacuum-suction hose for cleaning up all your toys after you are done playing with them. Deposits them all in their own spot in an internal carrying case. 2ft. diameter Death Star with real firing laser. Cuts through steel, your house, your toys, or even your neighbor kids. Great fun!