Subject: [Official Press Release] George Lucas to let a Geek Write and Direct the Rest of the Prequels!!!
Date: 16 Mar 1999 13:53:03 -0600
From: "Phillip A. Kallas" <pakallas@xoommail.com>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc

Just caught this off the wire. This should make many of you guys happy.

George Lucas Names Geek in Control of the Remainder of Prequel Trilogy.

(AP) George Lucas, creator of Star Wars and the most anticipated movie of
all time, Star Wars, Episode 1: The Phantom Menace, has named Clyde Bentley
writer and director of the next two installments of the Star Wars Prequel
Trilogy. Lucas, in a press release, said,"The filming of The Phantom Menace
has been one of the most enjoyable experiences in my life, and I had
believed I had made my best film ever. After I released the second trailer,
I decided to check what the true fans thought, so I checked the internet. I
was saddened when I saw the response from many was not good. It was then
that I realized that  in trying to make a film appeal to the masses, a movie
everyone can enjoy and love, I forgot the most important group of them all -
the obssesive, cynical geeks. So I have decided to name an obssesive,
cynical geek the head writer and director of the next two movies. Clyde
Bentley will helm Episodes 2 and 3. "

Clyde Bentley, 25, lives in his mothers' house in Benton Springs, Delaware.
Bentley also released a statement to the press. "It is a great privledge to
have Mr. Lucas name me in control of the Star Wars movies. Even though I
have never written a script, or have done anything remotely close to making
a movie, I believe since I've watched Star Wars hundreds of times, and have
seen many episodes of X-Files, I know a lot about the movie making process.
I would also like announce the title of Episode 2. It will be "The
Mandalorian Wars", and it will be about how boba Fett rose in the ranks of
the Mandalorians and kicked those sissy Jedi's behinds. Oh, and Anakin
Skywalker starts becoming bad. This movie will be extremely dark, with
hopefully an R rating. I also plan on naming Sarah Michele Gellar as the
Young Queen, and hopefully their will be a really hot sex scene between her
and that guy who played the young Indy!!"

When asked for comment, Gellar said"Well, the only reason I'm in this
buisness is because i'm hot and have had sex with all the right people, so
having sex in a Star Wars movie would be great!!! Though I really don't
wanna touch that bentley creep. Have you scene him??? He's like 400 lbs and
his entire body is covered in zits!! Ewww!!!"

When asked about his physical oddities, Bentley said"Well, chicks seem to
dig me, you know. Like, I have this girl, who's in Canada all the time
because of buisness, we do it all the time. She's pretty wild, you know, we
do things that they do in bad movies my mom doesn't let me watch!!"

Production on Star Wars, Episode 2:The Mandalorian Wars starts in December
of '99. Star Wars, Episode 1:The Phantom Menace opens everywhere except in
those non-American countries May 19.

--
Phillip A. Kallas, Master Thespian.
"I understand now!!! ...Violence is wrong...It's like, against society!!"-
Alex from A Clockwork Orange.
"Men rise from one ambition to another; first they seek to secure themselves
from attack, and then they attack others."- Niccolo Machiavelli, Discorsi,
1531
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