From: Chris Hayes
Date: 21 Jun 1996

News, hot off the press! George Lucas has re-written several key scenes
in ANH, to more reflect his vision of GONKs' influence throughout the
StarWars universe!
Rumour has it that he was never happy with the minor visual placements
of GONK scattered throughout the films, and this is his opportunity to
correct what he feels were serious flaws in the fabric of the StarWars
universe.

Here are just a few of the changes we are due to see:

OLD: GONK ignores Artoo & Threepio in the sandcrawler.
NEW: GONK tells Artoo & Threepio of their critical role in the events
that are to occur over the next few years. As Artoo & Threepio cheer up
considerably, GONK walks away laughing at his little joke. It was all a
lie, but it did make them a bit happier.

OLD: Ben Kenobi flukes his way past the dozy stormtroopers in Mos
Eisley, whilst GONK walks past in the far background.
NEW: Ben tries out his harmless force tricks, but the sharp
stormtroopers just get irate, They are just about to blast the old man,
when GONK, sensing our 'heroes' dilemma throws bolts of GONK-power,
immobolising the 'troopers, and allowing farm boy and co. to ride off
very, very quickly, brown pant stains spreading.

OLD: Ben switches off the power to the tractor beam, whilst
stormtroopers fail to see him in full view on the power junction.
NEW: The stormtroopers spot the doddery old fool fiddling with their
lovely new DeathStar(tm), and they give chase through the mazey
corridors, as he runs away shitting himself. Later, when Han Solo says
"I hope the old man got the tractor beam or this is a very short ride!",
GONK smiles, and benevolently use GONK-power to overloads the tractor
beam. The heroes shoot off happily unaware of GONKs' intervention.

As you can see, the changes are all to the good, and elevate GONKs'
status to that of most powerful being in the StarWars universe.
Which is where he belongs.

Thank you George!