Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Top Ten Ways to get Kicked out of the Empire From: ted3000@aol.com (Ted 3000) Date: 27 Sep 1997 19:41:37 GMT 10. Insist on wearing your slippers 9. Tell Vader to "relax". 8. Inform the Senate that all aboard were killed, then inform the senate tht you can "bite me". 7. Use the Death Stars superlazer to carve your name in a nebula. 6. Show up at the conference meeting looking like Porkins on a bad day (What isn't a bad day for Porkins?) 5. Use 2 Star Destroyers and a Rebel Blockade Runner to play a huge game of "Pong". 4. Get caught reaing a Zahn book during the Emperors speech, and/or rent Caravan of Courage and cry openly. 3. Yell across hall to Tarkin: "Yo! Emperors on line 1" 2. Fool around with Vader's lightsaber when he's in his meditation pod, pretneding to "be the Highlander". 1. Hang out with Ozzel Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Re: Top Ten Ways to get Kicked out of the Empire From: vega@email.unc.edu (Vincent Berry) Date: 27 Sep 1997 20:55:42 GMT 13. Let escape pods fly by unhindered, naturally assuming that "it must have short-circuited". 12. Instead of marching in formation with other stormtroopers, insist on 'pimping'. 11. Get caught doing your hilarious Lord Vader impression. Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Re: Top Ten Ways to get Kicked out of the Empire From: Chris Hawkins Date: Sat, 27 Sep 1997 18:05:49 -0700 Here are a few off of the top of my head: 1) Selling Tickle Me Vaders or Tickle Me Emperors 2) Borrowing a SD because you want to impress your date. 3) Tell Vader: "I've got your Dark Lord right here!" (don't forget the appropriate hand gesture) 4) Insult the Emperor's mother. 5) Release a high ranking Rebel official after he/she autographs their wanted posted. 6) Speeder bike races down the corridors of the Executor. 7) Telling everyone onboard your SD that you think Luke Skywalker is cool. Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Re: Top Ten Ways to get Kicked out of the Empire From: tarkin@womens.slippers.com (James Trory) Date: Sun, 28 Sep 1997 18:29:47 GMT 10. Walk in on Palpatine while he's having a shower. 9. Survive the above experience and tell everyone about it. 8. Impersonate a Rebel spy to trick your stormtrooper mates, then watch them have panic attacks and fire at the ceiling in a fit of uncertainty. 7. Try and demonstrate to your inferior troopers how to check if a door is locked, get it wrong and let the droids your looking for escape. 6. See how high you can get your AT-ST to jump. 5. Get an Imperial Marker Pen and draw glasses and a beard on a bust of the Emperor. 4. Be too accurate when firing on a Sandcrawler, making it obvious to any passers by that it wasn't down to Tusken Raiders. 3. Make the above situation worse by letting your squad escape on their Dewbacks riding side by side, not single file like your commander told you. 2. Let some old guy in a badly tailored Jawa costume trick you into thinking he's had those shiny looking droids, who fit the description you've been given perfectly, for three to four seasons. 1. Get Darth Vader's sandwich order for tomorrows trip to Endor wrong. "You can use any methods necessary, but I want ham! No lettuce!" Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Re: Top Ten Ways to get Kicked out of the Empire From: "The Rogue" Date: 29 Sep 1997 17:04:04 GMT 1) Refer to your superior officer as a "Wookie-Lover" 1a) or worse, an "Ewok-Lover" 2) Openly question the reason your army/navy can afford 10 mile long (or whatever) SSD's, but they're too friggin' cheap to spring for shields for your fighters. 3) Snicker like Beavis and Butthead when referring to "The Emperor's Hand" 4) Get caught dating outside your species 5) Illegal use of repulsorlift coil for grilling Dewback Steaks 6) Trying to sell the Emperor on your personal slug removal service 7) Trying out the Emperor's throne "for size" 8) Closing the blast doors 9) Selling tickets to a 'monstertruck/AT-AT' speeder crushing event 10) Rewiring the lights on Vader's chestplate so they spell out "Bite me" Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Re: Top Ten Ways to get Kicked out of the Empire From: jedial@aol.com (Jedi Al) Date: 30 Sep 1997 00:06:14 GMT Start "the wave" during stormtrooper inspection. Secretly replace Vader's lightsaber with a traffic flashlight. Call Vader "Nick".