Date: 19 Sep 1996

Raymond Boone wrote:

I know what you're thinking, I was there too once.  I was looking
through the newsgroups, and I saw a post that said "$$$GET AN
ASS-KICKING FAST!!$$$".  I thought, get an ass kicking?  Here, on the
internet? I'll have to check this out!  Here's the deal, this is no
scam, and is perfectly, 100% LEGAL!!  All you have to do is spend five
minutes of your time (that's all!!) and post an article to our
newsgroup telling us of an easy, illegal way to MAKE MONEY FAST!!  Add
your name, home address, and phone number to the end of the list.
Send enough money to five people, specified by me, for plane tickets
to your house (even coach is ok).  Then Chitwood, Trory, myself, and a
few others will fly to your house and give you a severe ass-kicking!!
That's all you have to do!!!  An easy, cheap, way of getting your ass
kicked by the RASSM posse!!  It's that easy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


In reply, Paula wrote:

I just have to add this to the ass-kicking:

Hi
I use to be short, fat and ugly.  Yet here I am on this big rented boat
with lots of beautiful rented women.  How did I do it?  I met a genie who
told me he'd give me a nickel for every person who wanted to kill me.  I
must have thought for hours until I came up with my masterful plan.  I'd
start a chain letter on the Internet and watch those nickels come rolling
in.  

Unfortunately, the genie didn't tell me they'd come out of my butt.  I've
been shitting nickels for weeks.  At least when I have a load in my pants
now, it jingles.

Now the genie has decided to expand his AMAZING OFFER.  If you copy this
letter into a file (I suggest naming it SHIT NICKELS) and propagate it
around the net, you can get rich, too.  And as an added benefit, whenever
anyone copies it from you and propagates it, you'll sneeze a penny for
every person who wants to kill them.  Have you ever heard of a better and
more profitable multi-level-marketing plan?  You'll be rich in a matter of
weeks if you get in on this RIGHT NOW!

So, remember if you want to make people hate you, AND get rich at the same
time, just post a copy of this on every newsgroup.  When your not too busy
dropping your pants to count your earnings or wipng snot off of those
pennies, you'll be able to rent boats and women too.  America IS the land
of opportunity.

Thanks

***Letters***
Hi, I started posting your letter around and damn if I wasn't shitting
nickels almost immediately.  My ass is extremely sore and I've gotten a few
bloody noses from the pennies I recently started sneezing, but HOT DAMN,
I'm richer that Croesus and it just keeps coming
-Joe Shmoe Eskimoe
-North Pole

Hey-man,
Thanks for your return letter with the recommendation to lube my sphincter
every morning with KY Jelly.  Now the nickels just shoot out as easy as can
be and I'm no longer sore.  In fact I'm having fun with it.  When I feel a
nickel barrage coming on, I drop my pants, bend over, and any nickel that
shoots out my ass into my nickel basket is worth two points.  I've become
the Michael Jordan of nickel shitters and I owe it all to you.
-John Doe 
-Anytown, USA

Yes, you too can make Quick Cash from shitting nickels.  Just propagate
this post around, either by itself or as a follow up to any of those
annoying chainletter posts.  And if someone copies it from your post,
you'll be sneezing pennies too.  And people wonder why I love America.