From: Wedge Antilles Date: July 1996 Bret and Dan's How to write a SW novel How To REALLY Write a Star Wars Novel Having read each and every Star Wars novel published, I have created a sure fire formula for writing a successful Star Wars novel. I hope this helps all of you potiential writers in completing a bestselling novel. 1. One of our heros must loose his or her mind in one way or another. A rational reason is optional. (Manic-Depressive Luke in Crystal Star, Han an obsessive maniac in Courtship, Leia suddenly developing a multiple personality disorder in Crystal Star) 2. Dozens of new stereotypical and bland characters that no one cares about must be introduced, and 95% of the book must be written from their viewpoint. This way the reader can complete the book in less than a hour because they will skip all of the boring commentary. 3. A new villian must be introduced. There must be an outlandish reason this villian was hidden throughout the movies, this usually falls in the range of a deviously brilliant minority group. 4. The heros which toppled the Galactic Empire must be absolutely incompetent in fighting off this villian, and must be saved by one or more of the bland stereotypes described in #2. (It seems to me that a frontal lobotomy was necessary for all who are part of the New Republic) 5. Something makes the Force go away. 6. Luke must be an absolute weenie who is completely incapable of a rational decision, even if he is a Jedi master. 7. The heros must not, repeat NOT say or do anything that is in character, except for the case in number eight. 8. If you do choose to have the heros say something in character, it must be a direct quote from the movies. (An added bonus is to have a character misquote himself.) 9. Luke must have multiple flashbacks of Yoda, who must be misquoted. 10. There must be multiple permanent characters introduced who dissappear for no reason at the end of the novel. 11. A new moneymaking scheme must be created for Lando, who will mysteriously loose it before the next novel. 12. Luke gets a woman, who also disappears at the end for no reason. 13. The villian must have some relationship with Moff Tarkin, The Emperor, Darth Vader or all three. 14. The book must end in a climactic, predictable, completely corny showdown which suspiciously ties up all the loose ends neatly. 15. The unchanging physical characteristics of characters in the novel must change. (Apparently, Luke grew about a foot before the Corellian Trilogy, and Mara Jade's hair has a tendancy to change color.)However.... 16. ...there must be no signs of aging for any of our heros. (By the Corellian trilogy, Han should be at least 45, maybe older, yet he has no signs of gray. Funny, Harrison Ford does.) 17. Luke must do an Obi-Wan or Yoda impression. 18. The Millennium Falcon must be wrecked, or at the very least the radar dish must be knocked off. 19. Although there was only one privately owned ship throughout the movies, each and every character must, for no explainable reason, have their own personal ship.(Where exactly did the Lady Luck come from? Why would a high ranking government offical like Leia own a small, mostly defenseless ship? She travelled on a Corvette in A New Hope.) 20. The ignition of the lightsabers must be described as a snap-hiss.