Subject: Re: Write your own Star Wars EU novel Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2000 22:16:48 +0000 From: policrat' Organization: Oxford University, England Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc,alt.fan.starwars LOL! Good work! Time to repost the Original RASSM Conventent Plot Devices Post: a template guaranteed to provide the total plot to any Star Wars Novel Ever Written in Nine Easy Steps (Version IIa).... Star Wars: X-Wing: The Children of the Jedi Search for the Hand of Thrawn behind the Shield of Lies on the Planet of Twilight during the Bounty Hunter Wars. The BEGINNING 1.) The hidden leader, (the Emperor/Isard/Zsinj/Thrawn/Isard(again, twice at the same time)/the Emperor(again)/the Emperor (yet again)/the Emperor (for hopefully the last time)/Carnor Jax//Nom Anor/Daala/Tavira/Roganda/Daala (again)/ Seti Ashgad/Daala (again, differently characterised)/Kueller/ Han Solo's cousin/Nil Spaar/ Thrawn again (a fake one)/ Thrawn again again in the same book (a clone) /Nom Anor (again))... 2.) who (should be dead/died and was cloned/died and was cloned and came back anyway as well/was just plain dead, but LFL were running out of coherent ways to bring dead Imperials back/could not realistically have hidden that long) and (has massive scar tissue on his or her face/is blue/is svelte and female) emerges to attack the Republic... 3.) with the support of (the combined remnants of the Empire/other completely different combined remnants of the Empire/yet more completely different combined remnants of the Empire/the Imperial Council/another Imperial Council/ a faction of that Imperial Council/a non-conciliar Imperial administration/yet another Imperial Council/a faction of yet another other Imperial Council/an unconvincing fake set of combined remnants of the Empire/a massive, but nevertheless remarkably well-hidden and formerly overlooked Imperial province/an extra-Galactic alien power this time, because we've used up all the various Empires we've managed to keep track off, even though there seem to be one or two left somewhere we mislaid). The MIDDLE 4a.) Revealing an overlooked fleet of (Imperial) ships led by (a hidden Super Star Destroyer/a SSD that was common knowledge, just never happened to be mentioned before/an even bigger SSD/the first SSD again, even though it was supposed to have been destroyed/another, even bigger SSD/another hidden SSD/another hidden SSD, this one disguised as an asteroid/three hidden SSDs/three ISDs disguised as an asteroid, just to be 'different')... 4b.) and a superweapon that is (a Death Star/based on the Death Star, just differently shaped/not a Death Star, but still with a two-part name suggesting destruction and astral bodies/biological/non- biological) and turns out to be (useless/silly)... 4c.) not to mention the Force powers of (a mad clone/himself/her son/some natives/a passing Hutt/a group of misguided Jedi/all of the above), proceeds to make war on the Republic and alters the balance of power causing a political crisis for the NR which only Leia can deal with. 5a.) Meanwhile, Lando having launched another business venture, which will fail (by the end of the book/before the start of the next one)... 5b.) and a (planetoid/spaceship) having fallen on (Dathomir/Honoghr/Coruscant/Yavin/the Quella homeworld/Chewie)... 6.) the villains seek to (seduce to the Dark Side/simply seduce) (Luke and/or his dad/sister/niece and nephews/pet pupil/wife/clone/Corran Horn ). 7.) To pad the plot out, (Luke/Han/Luke and Han/Corran Horn if Stackpole's writing) is beaten up, (Leia/Han/Mara) is captured, and Luke (fails to see something obvious/fails to see several obvious thing/forgets the Force-power he learnt in another book that would solve the crisis instantly). The END 8a.) Finally, because the author had really dug himself into a hole, everyone is saved in a fit of implausible plotting by some (smugglers/ex-Imperials/aliens)... 8b.) and some Jedi overlooked by the Empire because they were (somewhere even more obscure than Tatooine with another stock hostile environment/dead/merrily killing other Jedi with Vader/disguised as a tree for 4,000 years/Corran Horn/the Adepts of the White Current/Pteradactyls)... 9.) and so the enemy is defeated and everything returns to the way it was at the end of ROTJ. I know this doesn't include much from the NJO Arc yet, but I'm confident that it'll work there too, once a bit more of the story's told. Policrat' Unofficial RASSM Scotsman (Retd.)