Subject: [FUN] Classic Moments Revisited Date: Thu, 10 Aug 2000 09:25:55 -0700 From: Jedah Organization: http://www.remarq.com: The World's Usenet/Discussions Start Here Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Having done a couple of these as .sigs, I thought I'd do a few more scenes and invite others to join in. Gotta get my kicks off this NG somehow. *Scene - Luke and Yoda at the cave on Degobah "I feel...cold." "That place, strong in the dark side it is. Into it, you must go." "Are you nuts?" *strapping on blaster* "Your weapons you will not need." "It's not for the cave, it's for you if you think I'm going in there, you stump-humper." "Much fear I sense in you, hmmm?" "I've seen all three Scream movies and Scary Movie. I'm not climbing down into some dark cave on your say-so, Kermit." "Reckless you are!" "Screw you, shortie! I'm outta here. Gotta get me a piece of that fine Leia ass!" "Your sister she is." "You lie! Crap, man...now I feel bad about all those "do you wanna stroke my saber" comments I made to her..." "A fool you are. No more shall I teach you today." *Scene - Luke about to get dropped into the Sarlacc pit. "This is your last chance, Jabba. Free us or die." *Luke pushed to the edge, gives signal to artoo.* *Luke jumps off the plank, flips, lands and tries to grab his saber, which isn't there* "Crap, where's my saber!" *Lando knocks a guard off the skiff* "What saber?" "Artoo was supposed to shoot my saber to me." "Well he's up on the main sail barge...looks like his lights are still blinking." *Into comlink* "Artoo, what's wrong?" *Windows 95 opening theme plays on comlink* "We're boned." *Luke goes tumbling into Sarlacc pit as Boba Fett lands on the skiff and kicks him* "Oh, ouch! Damn! Oh that's gonna leave a mark! OW! Damn that hurts!" "BURP!" *Scene - Luke is talking to Ben for the first time in Ben's little hovel "You must learn the ways of the Force if you're to come with me to Alderaan." "Why would I wanna go anywhere with you, gramps?" "It's your destiny!" "I just want to get some friggin' power converters from Tosche Station. Screw this Force shit." "Luke! You must fulfill your destiny!" "Ben! You must go change your Depends! I swear, all you old folk want to tell me what to do. Screw you, you hippie!" "You can't...Luke...don't leave...you're our only hope!" "Your only hope is going to Tosche Station to get some power converters and to spend twenty credits on a cheap lay. Go back to selling pencils on the sidewalk, you old geezer." *Scene - Ben appears to Luke on Degobah "Then the Emperor has already won." "Ben! Hey, wait, you're supposed to be dead. Why are you all blue and glowing?" "I am dead, you moron. Now listen, you must face Vader!" "Yeah yeah, in a minute. Can I ask you something?" "You seek to know the truth about another Yoda spoke of...the other is..." "No, no, I just wanted to know if you've seen Elvis. I mean, you're dead, he's dead...does he put on shows? Did he lose weight?" "Listen, punk, this is important. Leia's your sister." "She's what!?! Um...you know...she and I kinda..." "Kinda what, chodo-boy?" "We kinda folled around...you know, while Han was missing and I was recouperating...she and I sorta...you know....and we didn't have a condom handy and..." "SHE'S PREGNANT!?!?" "Hey, calm down, gramps. You'll give yourself a heart attack." "I'm already dead, junior. I can't believe you boned your sister." "Yeah well, you coulda told me!" "Would it have made a difference, horn dog?" "Well...no...but maybe I would have tried that thing...you know.." "Abstinance?" "No, pulling out. Anyway, we were gonna name the kid after you." "I can't believe this...you went out and inseminated your own sister!" "Hey, I wasn't the one who stood there and got slashed through by Vader. Real bright move there." "You porked your sister, you sick fuck!" "Hey! I didn't know! And it was worth it anyway...she's hot. A real slut." "You make me wanna wretch! Go back to Tattooine, farm boy. I'll go recruit Mara Jade instead." "Is she cute?" "Get off it! You've got a kid on the way! Go poke a jawa, kid!" "I have, they scream too much." *Obi-Wan turns a shade of green and vanishes.* "Good thing I didn't tell him about me and Chewie..." O.k., more might come later, if people like these. Jedah Frivolity is the spice of life...well, that and pepper. ----------------------------------------------------------- Got questions? Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com