Subject: Re: [FUN] Classic Moments Revisited Date: Fri, 11 Aug 2000 21:20:32 +0000 From: Fatboy Roberts Organization: The Out Causin Kaos Cru: We'll never get caught. We're on a mission from God. Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc I'll take a crack at this, In the vein of the other script style post I did yesterday... Int: Cloud City Banquet Room Darth Vader is standing at the end of the room. A squad of stormtroopers surrounds our heroes, and Boba Fett himself steps from behind a pillar. Vader: We would be honored, if you would join us. Lando: I had no choice, they arrived right before you did. I'm sorry Han: I'm sorry too..Well, fuck it, since we're at the table, might as well grub, huh? Chewie rubs his paws together hungrily and gives a growl. Leia: HAN! What are you-- Han: You got any better ideas, sister? At least the gargoyle at the end there got a table set up. What you got for us there, Vader? Vader: Only the best, captain Solo Zoom in to Vader as he pulls something out of his cloak. Han's eyes go wide Han: No. It COULDN'T be.. Vader: It is. Leia: What? What is it, Han? Vader: Olde English 800 premium malt liquor. Han: FUCK YEAH!! Lando: Vader, you're going TOO far. I never agreed to let that--that PISSWATER into my facility. You KNOW this is a Colt .45 only floating city. Vader: Silence. Captain Solo understands what a manna of the gods this forty water is. Han: Hey, your highness, this Vader guy ain't all that bad..I knew you were exaggerating about all that "evil" and "Scourge of the galaxy" shit. Vader: Yeah, I'm a pretty laid back guy once I get some 8-ball in my gut. Han: Well, shit, pass me a 40 and lets chill. You got a sandwich or somethin in that cloak? Leia: Maybe something for a lady to drink? Vader: Sorry sweetheart, we don't carry boone's or Bartles and Jaymes or whatever fruity pussy drink you like to sip Leia: HEY. Fuck you, you big walking vaccuum, I bet I can drink YOUR fat ass under the table. Vader: (snorts) Heh. I'd like to see you TRY it. Here (tosses her a 40) Let's see what you can do with some Charcoal Filtered POWER!!..of the darkside, that is.. Leia pops the cap in one flick of her wrist and starts takin 40 straight to the head. Big gulps. Han's eyes go wide. Lando: (under breath) this is the last straw, right here. Olde fucking English..that shit ain't SMOOTH. Colt .45, now THAT'S smooth.. Chewie shoots Lando a look, two forties in each paw, foam all over his mouth. Lando: Alright alright.. Leia finishes the 40 off in one shot to the dome and slams it on the table. Leia: Domino, motherfucker, what's happenin NOW! Vader: Impressive...Most impressive. Han: That's my girl. Leia: Bartles and James my ass. Yo Fett! Fett: Huh? Leia: get me a pack of Newports and an ashtray to chase this shit with. Fett: Uh, sure? (aside to Vader) Lord Vader, could you come here a sec? Vader: What is it, Bounty Hunter. Fett: Well, as far as I knew, I'm just supposed to, uh, stand around and look cool. That's what I was told. Vader: And? Fett: Well, Ms. Liver Disease over there wants me to be her private cigarette girl or somethin. Vader: Bounty Hunter, have you EVER, in all your travails amongst the galaxy, ever seen a woman do what she just did? Fett: Well, uh, no, not reall-- Vader: Then shut the fuck up and get her smokes-- Han: (interrupting) HA! Fett is Vader's little BITCH! Fetch my smokes, bitch! Haaaa! (wipes sleeve across mouth) this is DAMN good 40. Damn good. Vader (continuing)--And get me some, too, my voice ain't sounding quite right. And while you're out, get a bucket for the Wookiee. I don't like the looks on him. Han: (admiringly looks at Leia as she lets fly with a earthshaking belch) Leia. I love you. Leia: You don't love me, you just love my doggystyle. Chewie lets out a mornful moan, clutching at his stomach, 4 empty forty bottles strewn on the floor. Lando: Chewie, you alright? Han: I'd stand back if I were you. The Wook can't hold his liquor too well.. Fett exits, grumbling, and we follow him out, the doors to the banquet room slide shut, and just as they collide together, we hear Han shout "Look OUT!" as a huge, wet splashing sound echoes down the hall. We hear the muffled voices behind the door: Han: Damn, that's a gusher, there, Chewie. That's some kind of galaxy record or someth--yo, is that a whole Yuzzem in there? Lando: Get Lobot in here, we need a mop or somethin. VADER, this is what I was talking about..Colt .45 NEVER induces this kind of vomiting. It's a smoother, more refined--ack! cough! ack! Vader: I will not have you disrespecting the Olde English, Administrator. Don't bother with Lobot. My bitch Fett will clean it sufficiently. Leia: (getting belligerent) yo where the FUCK are my Newports, huh? Drunk people are funny, Fatboy