Subject: Sith Club Date: 14 Jul 2000 16:30:49 GMT From: ted3000@aol.com (Ted Ehlers) Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc People are always asking me how I met Darth Vader. We're sitting in the Imperial throne observation spire on the Death Star II. Members of Operation Rebellion have wired this thing to blow, placing a proton torpedo in the main reaction chamber. I know this, because Darth knows this. Darth Vader asks me if I can see the show allright. With a lightsaber handle in your mouth you speak ony in vowels. But wait, we're getting ahead of ourselves. Let's go back. I was having trouble sleeping. I started going to Jedi Council meetings to pass the time. That's where I met Queen Amidala. She walked right in, sat down in a blue chair. She was no Jedi, her cells wern't infected with Midi-Chlorians. She was a tourist, a faker. Now Mace Windu is leading us into our cave. Mine is dark, and swampy. I am wearing a mask. I see my power animal. It is a Gungan. He says "slide" and slides away. Then I see this stringy haired kid with a lightsaber. He chops my mask off and my face is his. Whatever. After Mace brings us out of the visualisation, I pull Amidala aside and confront her. She agrees to split the Senate/council meetings with me, every other monday. That's when I met Darth Vader. I was sitting on a Coruscant Shuttle, wating to take off for Mos Espa. Darth is wearing a mask like in my cave. He says "Did you know that with 15 pounds of pressure on the average rebel throat, you can hear it snap like a stick of celery?" I say that I didn't know that. He tells me that with the right kind of concentration, you can fling a object with the force through the shuttle window, and the cabin will depressureize, sucking everyone though the hole. I tell him that he's the most interesting person I've met since Sebulba. When I get back to tatooine, I find that my slave quarters has been blown up. Aparatnly, someone had left the powerdroid charge up the cells for over 24 hours. When the cells were full, they heated up until it was hot enough in the quarters to melt the floor around them. Then, the melting fuel line for the podracer ignited, blowing the contents of the quarters, including my mother, all the way to the jundland wastes. So that's when I caled Darth Vader. He offered me a place to stay. I started going in late to Jedi Academy. Yoda was wearing his brown robes. I didn't even wear the robes anymore. When Yoda metioned my behavior, I heard Darth's Words coming out of my mouth. "If I were you" I heard my voice deepen... "I would give careful consideration to your lack of respect. It would be a shame If this Jedi Padawan turned out to a a dark side sith warrior in training, and stalked and killed all the Jedi from planet to planet with a triple bladed red lightsaber of evil. Or perhaps you think It's fine if i come in a little later than everyone else." Yoda just hobbled out. That's when Darth and I invented Sith Club. The first rule of Sith Club is that you do not talk about Sith Club. The second rule of sith club is... you do not talk about Sith Club. To be continued.... but probably not. Slide. "Cue Hallucinotronic Spypunk Soundtrack for the Summer of Evol." May the Funk Be With You. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 18:06:48 +0100 From: "Rev. Jevon den Ridder" Ted Ehlers wrote: Very good :) > The first rule of Sith Club is that you do not talk about Sith Club. > > The second rule of sith club is... you do not talk about Sith Club. > > To be cointinued.... but probably not. The third rule of Sith Club is...only two at a time - a Master, and an apprentice. -- Rev. Jevon den Ridder [sixteentwelve] --------------------- http://www.angelfire.com/az/kalarba/rsenc.html X-wing Rogue Squadron Encyclopedia *Positions available - click the link* You can do anything you set your mind to - This does not apply to fixing Microsoft products.