Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Top Ten Lobot Leisure Activities From: ted3000@aol.com (Ted 3000) Date: 1 Aug 1997 21:03:14 GMT \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 10. Download entire contents of the holonet into cyborg brain, defragmenting it, and uploading it as a public service to the galaxy. 9. Sleeping while waiting for Lando too signal him on his wrist-comlink for things. 8. Running Dark Forces 2 on the Cities Central Computer. Over 2 million gigabytes of RAM equals REALLY smooth graphics! 7. Think about "stuff", then busting up some "Cheap Cloud City furniture" with blaster. 6. Editing the Ugnaught's newsletter "Cloud Times" 5. Exotic cooking...for the ladies.... 4. Cloud Car races 3. Sometimes, just sitting in the exhaust tunnel outlet, feet dangling miles above the surface of Bespin, and whistling. 2. Beatmixin' them blockrockin beats on his Techniques 1200's, going to shows and "Checkin' out the shit laughin" 1. Two Words: Colt 45 ========================================================================== Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Top Ten Possible Reasons Porkins died in Star Wars From: ted3000@aol.com (Ted 3000) Date: 18 Aug 1997 15:31:37 GMT Please enjoy the following top-ten list of Porkins oriented humor, written and compiled by me. Hi-Keeba!!! ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| 10. Cheated on rebel entrance exam by cribbing answers off Biggs when General Dodonna wasn't looking. 9. Highly, highly intoxicated 8. X-Wing fitted with R5-D4 7. Busy concentrating on the Tie Fighters in front of him, forgot about the ones in back of him. 6. Hung over, thought he was in "a real bitchin' sim" 5. Ham Sandwhich jammed into ejector seat lever. 4. Porkins ain't learn real good, like. 3. Cockpit glass kept fogging up when he bellowed slurred nonsence into his comlink. 2. Orange flight-suit pants unpleasantly tight. 1. Thinking about getting back at Wedge with hilarious "I can hold it" prank that backfired horribly in a gruesome fireball of twisted metal and burning flesh. ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| End of list. return to normal activities. =========================================================================== Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Top Ten Least Popular Star Wars Toys From: ted3000@aol.com (Ted 3000) Date: 19 Aug 1997 23:35:00 GMT Enjoy the following hi-larious top ten list! Enjoy now! ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| 10. Porkins's Battle Damaged X-Wing with removable Ham Sandwhich/ejector lever and Porkins figure. 9. Luke Skywalker with "But I was going into Toche station to pick up some Power Converters" sound chip 8. Dead Admiral Ozzel figure 7. Aunt Beru and Uncle Owens Kitchen playset with 'lookin' for Luke" action and realistic Beru Stew 6. See-Threepio in multi-pac (Includes five Identical Bend-Em's C-3P0's and an opened Box of See-Threepio's cereal half eaten by Threepio himself, Anthony Danieles.) 5. Whurer the Cantina Bartender (A POTF Dengar head on Tatooine Luke's body.) with No Blasters action (Spring loaded cowering action) and a credit chip. 4. DeluxeLuke with Desert Sport Skiff (Ha ha, ha....oh.) 3. Deluxe R5-D4 with Desert Sport Skiff (Now that's better) 2. Off Duty Tarkin in casual beach wear with Desert Sport Skiff (enough with the skiffs already) 1.Vader with removable pants ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| ||||| =========================================================================== Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Subject: Top Ten Things overheard at www.starwars.com From: ted3000@aol.com (Ted 3000) Date: 15 Aug 1997 00:05:12 GMT 10. Is there any way to imbed a 200 megabyte Quark Xpress file to autolaunch cross-platform? I have this letter from George Lucas that would look really nice in "Ariel Bold". It's only a hour and a half download on an ISDN... 9. Let's just let the Special Edition section of the site rot! Bust out the Coors! 8. No, man! A Probe Droids' main scanner blinks two times a second, not three! I consulted a Lucasfilm continuity guru, and she said to slow down the GIF animation or suffer the wrath of Macallum! 7. How can we get Prowse to stop e-mailing the Webmaster asking if he's "in them new Star Wars movies"? 6. Ah, who spilled Dr. Pepper into the server? 4. Look at this cool graphic I swiped from the Star Wars page at Texas A&M! 3. We've got less prequel inside info than a second rate European fanzine from last year! Hi-Keeba! 2. Every other word in this paragraph is a link to the production painting of Coruscant. Isn't that hilarious? 1. By the Beard of Lucas! Gonk is canon!