Captain Kirk at Mos Eisley?

Eric Bycer's hilarious, and somewhat infamous, response to the question "If James T. Kirk of Star Trek ever visited Mos Eisley Cantina, how would he cope?".

Captain Kirk at Mos Eisley

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The Alternative Vader/Ben Duel

This was a spontaneous reply to the question "why, if the Force is only used for defense by the Jedi, do the heros of the trilogy always strike lightsabers first in a duel?". An interesting query that produced a very funny reply.

The Alternative Vader/Ben Duel

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More Things You'll Never Hear Vader Say...

This was an on-going thread, in 1996, not written by a single person, but by nearly everyone on RASSM. It slowly built as people added lines to a thread of the same name. It is a list of the phrases posters to RASSM didn't think were likely to be spoken by Darth Vader. There are now some of the very first at the bottom of the document, courtesy of Rakelle.

More things you'll never hear Vader say...

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Sexually Tilted Lines from the Star Wars Universe

This has been posted to RASSM more times than any other piece of Star Wars humor. The original author of this is unknown, but this version of the list was posted by Holly Hunter, in June 1996, and was taken from a magazine.

Sexually tilted lines from the Star Wars universe

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In-Flight Chatter

This was written in response to a question regarding the communication between Rebel pilots. Someone wondered how irritating chatter between pilots must be during battle. Brewing Tea chose to give an example during the Battle of Endor...

In-flight chatter

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Imperial Attack on Owen and Beru

You may say this was a heartless attack on two innocent people which caused poor Luke Skywalker to get into the trouble he did, but when you read this you may change your mind. It was posted to RASSM by Ted Johnson, though it was originally written by Alexander Miller back in 1994 and posted to RASS (see The History of RASSM), before RASSM was even introduced. It was not in response to any questions. It explains in detail the Imperial attack on the Lars' home, a scene we did not get to see in the film Star Wars IV : A New Hope.

Imperial attack on Owen and Beru

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Han's Real Reward

This is more of a joke (like the thread title suggests) than a thread, but it does have a very funny punchline. Please bear in mind the fate of Alderaan before you read it.

Han's real reward?

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How to Really Write a Star Wars Novel

Written by two people named Bret and Dan, this was posted on their behalf by a friend, Wedge Antilles. It is Bret and Dan's guide to writing a successful Star Wars novel, consisting of 20 key points. Each one has some bearing to previously written, as of July 1996, licensed Star Wars novels.

How to really write a Star Wars novel

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Jedi Mind Tricks

This was posted before the RASS split. It is likely that the thread was talking about various aspects of the way Obi-Wan Kenobi used the Force to manipulate the mind of a stormtrooper in Star Wars IV : A New Hope, and it would be fair to assume someone wondered what it would be like to be able to conduct Jedi minds tricks.

Jedi mind tricks

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How Zahn Could Fix This Mess

Another thread posted during the RASS days, this was Sean Fallesen's attempt at trying to explain how Timothy Zahn (or any Star Wars author) could fix all of the out-of-character nonsense that has been written in some of the post-ROTJ novels.

How Zahn Could Fix This Mess

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The Anti-Ewok Association

As far as is known, the Anti-Ewok Association was a group of people who opposed the Ewoks of Endor. It probably surfaced during the Ewok bashing of the time, and the (was:) title also indicates that many did not like Kevin J. Anderson. This is a membership form written by Terry for all those who wanted to join the association. The association is now defunct.

Anti-Ewok Association Membership form

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Everything I've Learned, I've Learned From Star Wars

This was something similar to the "You'll never hear Vader say..." list. There are over 300 different Star Wars related entries that could apply to the real world. This is a compilation list posted by Simon H. Lee to RASS before its split.

Everthing I've ever learned, I've learned from Star Wars

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Ten Star Wars Ways to Piss Someone Off

This was posted by Geoffrey Bryan before the split and, as the title suggests, is ten ways that Star Wars related things might annoy someone if they were used in the real world.

Ten Star Wars ways to piss someone off

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More Gonk! More Gonk!

This is a list of the things Chris Hayes thinks George Lucas should re-write for the Star Wars Special Editions. It is his idea of how Gonk could have a larger role in the Star Wars universe.

More Gonk! More Gonk!

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Top Ten Star Wars-ish Things to Say...

A popular Top Ten list that has been floating around for years. Try one of these lines on your parents....just remember, don't blame the ORHP for whatever they say back to you..

Top Ten Star Wars-ish things to say...

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The Star Wars Drinking Game

This is now a famous piece of Star Wars humour that not only does the rounds on RASSM but is available on a lot of light-hearted Star Wars homepages. It is a game to be played with a lot of friends and an unlimited supply of alcohol, and it is unlikely that anyone has ever managed to reach the end.

Star Wars Drinking Game

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$$$GET AN ASS-KICKING FAST!!$$$

With hundreds of illegal money making schemes posted to RASSM over a period of just a few months, Raymond Boone did a prefect job of turning it all into a big joke. To make matters funnier, Paula replied with an equally amusing message.

$$$GET AN ASS-KICKING FAST!!$$$

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Slave Girl Leia

This is an absolute classic! Various smutty and pornographic posts exploiting the good names of our favourite heros (Leia most frequently) had been floating around RASSM, and as usual they were severely flamed. But for a change, Rich took the opportunity to flame this particular pervert in a more amusing, and it has to be said, "sophisticated" manner. He made fun of the author's spelling and in reply, Scott made a short but equally amusing statement confirming the original author's lack of intelligence.

Re: Leia lost her virginity with me!

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Tarkin's Fetish

It's unknown how the thread's title, Re: [Question] Is Dash Rendar cool?, fits in with this piece of RASSM humour, but it might have something to do with Dash Rendar's beard, and how it makes him look cool. But there seemed to be a discussion about hair, and Simon re-wrote the scene between Grand Moff Tarkin and Princess Leia on the Death Star in Star Wars IV : A New Hope with the topic of conversation being facial hair.

Tarkin's Fetish


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