Subject: Star Wars VHS Marketing Date: Mon, 3 Apr 2000 03:08:56 +0200 From: "Lucasfilm Marketing" Hail, Star-warsians! If you haven't heard about it yet, we're telling you now: Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace is about to be released on video-cassette! Finally, The Motion Picture Event, The Way It Was Never Meant To Be Experienced! It's a whole new animal, because now, you can fast-forward all the crappy slapstick, and if you freeze-frame at precisely the right moment, you may well see a nipple. possibly two! Remember, this is NOT the movie that won the Razzies' worst film of the year award, so how bad can it really be? In fact, The Phantom Menace was actually voted the year's BEST Picture by a representative number of non-discriminate eight-year-olds. Pika THAT, Pokémon! This movie contains all the material any quasi-cynical comicbook-store-owner-from-The-Simpsons-esque Usenet critic needs to make wise-ass posts not unlike the one you're reading right now, thus allowing them to feel witty and superior, until the very end of time! That's right, The Phantom Menace on VHS is everything the bootleg version you already own is, but with slightly better picture and sound quality. So quit yer whining, you pimple-faced DVD-lovin' geek, and run (don't walk) to your favorite overstocked video-store right now! The Episode One Video Release: Because It Is A Star Wars Movie. And You Are A Completist.