1998-99 Rumours ©
1998-99 Rumours

July 8, 1999

Danny Devito has turned down the offer to play Anakin in Episode II. While he was flattered to be offered the role, he could not agree to Lucasfilm's mandate that all new actors in the Star Wars saga must walk around Tunisia for a month in flannel to get acclimated to the temperatures.

In a shocking move, some Lucasfilm reps are discussing an onscreen sex scene in Episode II involving two Banthas! Apparently, they feel this will squash the claim that Lucas is making the Prequels into a bunch of "kiddie movies."

June 24, 1999

Episode II will reveal who the phantom menace really is.....E.T. Early drafts of the script have the delegate from the homeworld of E.T. being revealed as the phantom menace.

Jar Jar will definitely be back in Episode II and it will be revealed that he is a deity to Gonk. I wonder if this means the Gonkites become Jar Jar-ites?

June 12, 1999

I finally decided to leave the theater, mostly due to the fact that I had run out of clean TPM clothing to wear....

Anyway, forget about all the casting rumors you have heard for Anakin in Episode II. I got it straight from the horse's mouth that Danny Devito has been given the role.

After hearing much of the hoopla over the "racial undertones" of TPM, a high ranking LFL employee was overheard saying that the next villains would be of the same mold as the original villains. That's right, only the British are allowed to be bad guys in the Star Wars universe.

January 28, 1999

Negotiations for Episode I Furbies have broken off due to the recent controversy involving Furbies and national security.

LFL representatives have nixed the idea of having the male leads of age participate in a photo shoot that would appear in a certain magazine known for its male centerfolds.

The hubbub about TPM not having a mouseover icon came to an end recently after Lucas noticed it was missing and summarily had three of the interns in charge of HTML subjected to Force lightning.

December 13, 1998

Reports coming from Lego is that they are in the process of retooling their equipment to create some of the Dark Side characters for the upcoming Star Wars lego collection. It seems that some of the Dark Side Legos melted when the trademark Lego smile was etched onto their face. Designers are currently working on developing a sinister, yet cute smile for the Dark Side Legos.

It has long been known that the Natalie Portman nude scene in Episode I was completely false, but what people don't realize is that Jar Jar Binks will have a nude scene somewhere in Episode I.

December 6, 1998

If you are one of the many who have expressed concern over the appearance of Yoda in the trailer, the difference in the way he looks there and in ESB can be chalked up to the way his skin reacts to the high humidity of Dagobah.

For those of you in the business world, be on the lookout for the lightsaber laser pointer in your local office supply store. It is part of LFL's new marketing strategy to infiltrate board rooms across the country.

The Clone Wars will be started because of a virus that R2 picks up shortly before his last memory wipe.

November 30, 1998

Thanksgiving dinner was hardly over before GL had the boys back at work putting the final touches on the Christmas collectible blitz. I really do think they are going a tad too far with the limited edition "Lightsaber of Love" boxers. Hopefully GL will kill that idea once it reaches his desk.

I am sure fans all over will be disappointed to learn that the Fantasy Island/ Episode I crossover plans fell through. That's right, there will be no "Tattoo on Naboo" one-hour special during sweeps.

November 24, 1998

George Lucas is very pleased at the reaction most fans have given the Episode I trailer. However, he was very tense when the trailer was first being shown as evidenced by him breaking an Emperor Palpatine punching bag.

The entire cast and crew has been invited to Skywalker Ranch for Turkey Day. Hopefully this holiday will not be nearly as eventful as July 4th. I can't wait to see The Bearded One perform his world-famous lightsaber turkey carving technique.

November 16, 1998

Be on the lookout during Episode II for the Empire to test out the Imperial Star Destroyer by vaporizing a village of Teletubbies.

Various Lucasfilm reps have approached The Bearded One with an Episode I cartoon special entitled Anakin & Friends Visit Tosche Station.

Samuel L. Jackson is reportedly less than pleased that Lucasfilm decided to cut his final line from the trailer which went Episode I, be there CENSORED. Gee, I wonder why they cut it?

October 31, 1998

The prequel trailer will be soon making its appearance. However, it will only be shown in dollar movie theaters and drive-in theaters on random days to keep fans guessing as to when they may actually catch a glimpse of it.

If you are worried about Lucasfilm's silence on many of the rumors currently floating around the 'net, there is no need to panic. Their misinformation, I mean public relations, department is currently on vacation and The Bearded One has decided to let the rumors float around for a little while longer.

On a rather disturbing note, Steven Spielberg was unimpressed with the rough cut of Episode I that The Bearded One showed him. He was seen storming out of Skywalker Ranch after smacking GL upside the head and saying Geez man, what in the hell were you thinking?!?!

October 15, 1998

Lucas is toying around with a plotline that will involve a love triangle between Anakin, Luke's mom, and Obi-Wan. To think, everyone thought Obi-Wan's and Anakin's split had to do with differences of opinion in Anakin's training...

It will be revealed that Owen Lars was really raised by the Sand People and then shunned by them when he fell in love with Beru.

Samuel L. Jackson is very displeased with the Mace Windu action figure. He was seen storming out of Kenner's office complaining about the size of his lightsaber.

October 1, 1998

Lucasfilm reps have been getting a real kick out of the fan response on the internet in regards to the title of Episode I. One rep was overheard saying What's the big deal? It's not like he's having Greedo shoot first.

For those of you looking for some meaning behind the title, all I will say is that you should be on the lookout for a lot more "supernatural" activity in Episode I than in the original trilogy.

September 19, 1998

I've been hanging out here in Australia researching some possible sites for future Prequel shoots. Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan has been calling day & night trying to get a part in Episode II or III. It seems he needs some extra cash to support his failing "Fishin' With Dynamite" series.

If GL does decide to shoot in Australia, be on the lookout for a new species which resemble koalas. Looks like GL has been talking to the folks in marketing again.

August 25, 1998

Lucas is having difficulties coming up with an opening crawl for Episode I and and considered just having it say You already know what happened as half the fan sites on the web stalked every move my production team made so you can just forget about the damn crawl!

In a bold move, the costume department is considering dressing everyone in disco suits made out of felt. Upon hearing this, Lucas had all of them take a week off.

August 14, 1998

Sean "Puffy" Combs has been contacted about doing a remix of the two songs performed by the Cantina Band in ANH to be placed on the soundtrack of Episode I as bonus tracks.

Lucas has sent a scout team to several tropical locations for possible shoots for Episode II. He also made it perfectly clear that the team members could not reveal who they were with even if it might get them a date.

August 7, 1998

Terms are being finalized for a marketing campaign between Lucasfilm and Nike. The first product will be released the same weekend as the premiere of Episode I and will reportedly be a basketball shoe called the Air Skywalker.

Be on the lookout for both a classical & contemporary score for Episode I. Lucas is currently contemplating having multiple genres represented on the contemporary soundtrack to market it to a wider audience.

Have no fear, the infamous "danish roll" hairdo of Princess Leia's in A New Hope will be making a comeback in the Prequels.

July 30, 1998

Look for a scene with Boba Fett overlooking the Sarlacc and saying I could get out of that.

Lucas has informed all those involved with the Prequels that if they reveal any new information without his approval, they will be regret it as he will feed them to his pet Rancor.

It is rumored that Senator Palpatine will have an affair with a non-human during the time period of the Prequels. This affair will result in the birth of his son, Thrawn.

July 17, 1998

It's sad, but true, folks. The Bearded One is contemplating making The Force something which can be measured. Looks like that "hokey religion" is turning into a "hokey science." On the bright side, The Force will be the unifying theory between quantum mechanics and relativity.

In another bold move, Lucas is considering creating a world that contains more than one geomorphic province.

Rumor has it that MTV is negotiating with Ewan and Lucas to use their likenesses for an upcoming episode of Celebrity Deathmatch. No word yet on who the winner will be.

July 7, 1998

It was a wild weekend at Skywalker Ranch as the Bearded One threw a huge Fourth of July bash. It seems Ewan McGregor visited the punch bowl one too many times and made quite a spectacle of himself. At one point during the party, Ewan got up on a table, began stripping, and then asked the crowd if they wanted to see his "lightsaber." Upon hearing this, Lucas rushed the table before Ewan could, shall we say, unholster his weapon. Well, this developed into a shouting match between Ewan and Lucas over the portrayal of Obi-Wan. Apparently, Ewan thinks that Kenobi should be more humorous and sarcastic than Lucas will allow. This prompted Lucas to say I suppose the next thing you'll want is Bob Saget to direct Episode II. Ewan drunkenly replied Why not? It would beat staring at your beard and flanel every bloody day. Needless to say, a rather intense brouhaha ensued until Samuel L. Jackson was able to pull them apart and restore order.

June 26, 1998

Younger Chewbacca to be played by Billy Barty, voice-over by Merryl Streep.

Lucas seriously considering releasing the Prequels in black & white. Ted Turner has already informed Lucas of his intentions to colorize them when they come to television.

June 18, 1998

It has been confirmed that any exploding object in the Prequels will have a praxis ring.

Rumors are swirling around the compound that there may be a steel cage wrestling match onboard an Imperial warship between a Jawa and an Ewok. No word yet on whether or not the pressure is getting to Lucas.

It will be revealed, either in Episode 2 or 3, that Grand Admiral Thrawn is really the son of Palpatine.

June 11, 1998

Be on the lookout for Anakin to recite Luke's infamous But, I was going to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters! line.

There are serious discussions about having Boba Fett actually be a woman. When one of Lucas' assistants brought up the point that Boba Fett had already been characterized as a man in the novels, Lucas reportedly docked the assistant one day's pay and yelled It's my universe and I'll do with it what I damn well please! Looks like Lucas should switch to decaf.

Lucasfilm officials have considered removing the "Plot Does Matter" poster from the official site and replacing it with "We apologize for our rather crass comment towards Godzilla. Nevertheless, it still sucks."

June 6, 1998

Talks continued about letting Fozzie the Bear make a brief cameo as a tribute to the late Jim Henson. The current plan is to have him make an appearance as a comedian in the Mos Eisley Cantina telling a joke about a stormtrooper hitting his head.

There will be several Prequel trailers appearing this summer. Lucasfilm has come to terms with several motion picture companies to have them shoot scenes in trailer parks consisting of trailers with the word Prequel appearing on the side of them.

There will be a musical number in Episode 1 involving several Jedi Knights dancing and singing "I'm a Jedi Knight and I'm okay."

2000 Rumours