Archive VI

Anonymous

Envision a Shaven Wookie mosh pit.
Commit random acts of kindness and senseless Wookie shaving.

zekehong@hotmail.com

Envision a Shaven Wookie as a cheerleader.
Envision a Shaven Wookie bungee jumping.
Envision a Shaven Wookie slam-dancing with a protocol droid.
Envision a Shaven Wookie on a pummelhorse.
Envision a Shaven Wookie wearing liederhosen.
Envision a Shaven Wookie parasailing.
Envision a Shaven Wookie barrel jumping.
Envision a Shaven Wookie skydiving.
Envision a Shaven Wookie sitting in your living room watching Care Bears and eating popcorn.
"I have nothing to offer but scissors, toil, razors, and sweat. We shall shave on the beaches, we shall shave on the landing grounds, we shall shave in the fields and in the streets. We shall never surrender!"
--Winston Churchill

ndo@mail.vt.edu

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a Shaven Wookie!
Holy Shaven Wookie, Batman!
New Baskins Robins flavor: Shaven Wookie and Cream.

kapzyl@hotmail.com

"You have shaved me for the last time..."
--Lord "Shaven Wookie" Vader
Envision a shaven wookie in pain, for using too much cologne.
"Shave, shave, shaving on Wookie´s floor..."
--Rough draft of Knockin' On Heaven's Door
Envision a Wookie that only shaves its legs....
Envision Leia and Chewie shaving each other...
I wanna be a Wookie and I wanna get shaved!
"Shave my lips! No more hairy Wookies!"
--attributed to George Bush
"Well shave my Wookie! Ahakakakakakakaa!"
--Popeye, the shaving man
Hello NEWMAN!
Hello SHAVEN WOOKIE!
--outtake from Seinfeld

mcbridej@frontiernet.net

If I shave, do I not bleed?
Envision a Shaven Wookie on a trampoline.
Envision a Shaven Wookie hanging ten.

Rosenebeau@aol.com

"Give me a Shaven Wookie, Vasili. One Shaven Wookie only, please."
--From an early draft of The Hunt For Red October
The lost Nirvana album: Smells Like a Shaven Wookie
The lost Eagles album: Hotel Shaven Wookie
"Are you shaven? There's no Shaven Wookies in baseball!"
--Jimmy Dugan in an early draft of A League of Their Own
Envision a Shaven Wookie spokesmodel on Star Search.
Envision the Shaven Wookies on a picket-line at the Hair Club for Men.
The latest Sesame Street doll: Tickle-Me-Shaven Wookie.
Shaven Wookie - It's everywhere you want to be.
Shaven Wookies - We Love to shave and it shows!

Crimling@aol.com

Envision a Shaven Wookie swimming in a pool of Jello.
Mulder:I'ts a conspiracy, Scully....
Scully:It's always a conspiracy...
Mulder:Listen, Scully, in the early 1950's, research teams from all over the world converged on an area in central New Mexico. They had reason to believe they had made contact with an alien entity...
Scully:So what was this alien being?
Mulder:A large, bald creature, with no hair on it's body and several razor burns.
Scully:Which means?
Mulder:They were Shaven Wookies, Scully.
Scully:I don't believe in Wookies, Mulder....
Mulder:You have to believe...............

Coochee420@aol.com

Okay, who shaved the Wookie?

Felicity.liggins@dial.pipex.com

I'll show you my hairy Chewbacca if you'll show me your Shaven Wookie!

coolcraig@home.com

Envision Shaven Wookies sitting around a Christmas tree opening gifts.
Envision a Shaven Wookie Beanie Baby
Original theme song for Titanic: My Wookie Will Shave On

DrEvil6662@aol.com

Every woman's crazy 'bout a clean Shaven Wookie
--To the tune of Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top
We are the Wookies my friend.....and we'll keep on shaving to the end
--To the tune of We are the Champions by Queen

AmazonCatz@aol.com

Captain! We've been hit by a Shaven Wookie!
Dammit! My Wookie accidentally shaved itself.

avatar@mother.com

I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one's shavin' a Wookie
--Apologies to Alanis Morrissette
One blade to rule them all
One blade he gave them
One blade to hold Wookies
And at the barber's shave them.
--Apologies to the late Tolkien
But I was going to Toshi station to pick up some Shaven Wookies!
--Luke
Wondering am I, why are you shaved?
---Yoda
Stop shaving your Wookie or you'll go blind!

squeezr1@glasscity.net

SHAVEN WOOKIE, coming to a barber near YOU!

vendetta01@yahoo.com

To Monty Python's tune of Brave Sir Robin:

Bravely bold Sir Wookie rode forth from Camelot.
He was not afraid to go, O brave Sir Wookie.
He was not at all afraid to be shaved in nasty ways,
Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Wookie!

He was not in the least bit scared to be sheared like a sheep,
Or to have his brows cut off and his fur all gone,
To have his hair-ends split and his locks burned away
And his fur all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Wookie!

His hair trimmed short and his fur cut off
And his foliage removed and his roots unplugged
And his nostrils raped and his hair burned off
And his pub--

[then...]

MINSTREL: [singing] Brave Sir Wookie ran away,
WOOKIE: No!
MINSTREL: [singing] Bravely ran away, away.
WOOKIE: I didn't!
MINSTREL: [singing] When razors reared their ugly blades, he bravely turned his tail and fled.
WOOKIE: No!
MINSTREL: [singing] Yes, brave Sir Wookie turned about.
WOOKIE: I didn't!
MINSTREL: [singing] And furrily, he chickened out. Fuzzily taking to his feet.
WOOKIE: I never did!
MINSTREL: [singing] He beat a very soft retreat.
WOOKIE: All lies!
MINSTREL: [singing] Hairiest of the hairy, Sir Wookie.
WOOKIE: I never!

[much later...]

MINSTREL: [singing] He is growing it in and building it up
And growing away and shampooing up
And chickening out and heading off home,
Yes, bravely he is throwing in the Bic.

psychospud@hotmail.com

Envision a Wookie shaving with a straight razor.
Shaven Wookie for president!
That all depends on your definition of a Shaven Wookie. --Attributed to Bill Clinton
Are Ewoks recently Shaven Wookies?

jam_2008@hotmail.com

Q: Whats a 2 foot tall shaven wookie look like?
A: Yoda
I'm giving it all she's got captain. There's just too much hair.

admiral_daala52@hotmail.com

Mom! There's a Shaven Wookie under my bed!
Envision a Shaven Wookie, dressed in Imperial Uniform, aboard the Death Star, scaring the hell out of any Imperial officer it encounters.
Sir, we've got a small incoming vessel on our scanners-- no wait! It's an airborne Shaven Wookie!

tom.dolney@tesco.net

"...and that all Wookies are shaven equal." --From the first draft of the Declaration of Independence

Mobiggums@aol.com

Coming this fall on Animal Planet: "The Wookie Shaver"
"Shave my pets, shave my pets, Put my Wookie to the test"
--Early version of "Be My Guest" from The Little Mermaid.

jmenz@colint.com

A Wookie is just a Wookie, but a Shaven Wookie is fruit and cake!

F1RANCIS@aol.com

Personally, I like to shave in the shower using the Gillette Sensor...fewer nicks & cuts...now remember to shave bottom to top & front to back...in those hard to reach spots, just run that sucker all over the place...
--Shaven Wookie to a first time shaver.

bsmith@primus.com.au

Frankly my dear, I don't shave Wookies!
Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Wookie
Wookie Who?
Shaven Wookie
Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Wookie
Wookie Who?
Lookie, I shaved a Wookie!

kypdurron@hotmail.com

Vader: Normal Wookies worry me.
Emperor: Then shave the Wookies! Do I have to do everything around here myself?!?!

w63299@d20.co.edu

You don't shave that Wookie, you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon... and for the rest of your life...

Aurora1138@aol.com

It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your Shaven Wookie is?

spinynorman1138@hotmail.com

"He ain't heavy, he's my Shaven Wookie"
--From Stand By Me
"You will return... with a Shaven Wookie!"
--The Knights who say Nee
"I ain't got time to shave my Wookie."
--Jesse Ventura, in Predator
Friends don't let friends Shave Wookies and drive.
Is that a Shaven Wookie, or are you happy to see me?
Holy Shaven Wookie, Batman!

kdjp@northstate.net

From an early draft of Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
Your furs off.
No, it isn't.
Well, then what's that?
Tis only a nick. I've had worse.
You liar.
Come on ya Razor.
We would shave our Wookies son, with our razors in the sun.
But the Wookies that we sheared, were sure a sight to fear.
--From an early draft of Seasons in the Sun

PandC1483@aol.com

One Shaven Wookie to another:
"Damn this five o'clock shadow! I've got a date tonight and it takes so long to shave!
"Have you considered waxing?"

DWD3165150@aol.com

"You expect me to talk?"
"No Mr. Bond, I expect you to shave your Wookie!"
--From an early draft of Goldfinger

gymleader_craig@hotmail.com

"Well, everyone has to shave sometime; I'm the guy who gets to do it shaving my Wookie."
--From a rough draft of Armageddon
Not going anywhere for a while? Shave your Wookie.
"Remember, Bobby. Shaven Wookies are the devil!"
--Original script from The Waterboy

kpsimon@execpc.com

More fun than a barrel full of Shaven Wookies.
How many stormtroopers does it take to shave a Wookie?

gymleader_craig@hotmail.com

To the tune of Disco Inferno:
Shave, baby, Shave! Shave your Wookie! Shave, baby, shave!
"Are saying I can shave Wookies?"
"When you're done, you won't have to."
--From a rough draft of The Matrix
Envision Shaven Wookies reading Shaven Wookie jokes!
Envision Chewbacca, shaven, ripping one of C-3PO's arms off.
Envision a Shaven Wookie support group.
Envision a Shaven Wookie riot.
Envision Shaven Wookies running the 50-yard dash.

Ranger9289@aol.com

Barber, one Wookie, shaven, not trimmed.

Dariayme@aol.com

Shaven Wookie Picture Show
Envision a Shaven Wookie doing the Time Warp.

bartons@mpx.com

Do Shaven Wookies have bums as soft as baby's?
Outraged voice from within a shower:
"Chewie, if I have told you once, I've told you a thousand times.... DON"T USE MY RAZOR!!"
Envision a Wookie with stylized swirls and patterns shaven into its fur.
Shaven Wookie! Been there, done that. Have the fur to prove it.
"Go get the Shaven Wookie."
"The Shaven Wookie's asleep!"
"Wake him!"
--From an early draft of Pulp Fiction