From: Scott Chitwood Subject: Obi-Wanics - Language of SW Fans! Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 14:05:21 -0600 Howdy! I think a new language should be taught in schools...Obi-Wanics! Here's some examples... Obi-Wanics Translation ---------- ----------- "Kiss my Wookiee" Kiss my @$^$^% "But I wanted to pick up power Converters!" Whine! "Nerf Herder!" Son of a motherless goat! "I have a bad I have a bad feeling about this! feeling about this!" "Yeah, and I have an original missile firing Boba Fett!" Liar! "I'd just as soon kiss I'd just as soon kiss James King! :) a Wookiee!" "Show me the "Enough with the previews, start Star Wookiee!!!" Wars!" ________________________________________________________________________ From: Davin Felth Date: Fri, 17 Jan 1997 16:29:52 -0500 Obi-Wanics Translation ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ "Laugh it up, Fuzzball!" "I'll get you for this later!" "The Emperor is less "You screw up one more time, forgiving than I am." and you're dead meat." "Oh...switch off!" "Oh....f*** off!" "Oota goota, Solo?" "Hi, it's me again." "He's got too much of "Why the hell did WE get his father in him." stuck with raising this brat?!" "You'll never find a more "This is my kinda place!!!" wretched hive of scum and villainy." "I find your lack of "You really piss me off." faith disturbing." And....LAST BUT NOT LEAST....::big drum roll here::... "Look, sir....droids!" "Hey, do I get a promotion for this?" ________________________________________________________________________ From: vega@email.unc.edu (Vincent Berry) Date: 19 Jan 1997 01:25:42 GMT "Aren't you a little short "Don't F*** with me. I think I could for a Stormtrooper?" take you in a fight." "You are not a Jedi yet." "You're just some punk kid." "I'm ready for anything." "I've never been this far from the farm before." "So, you have a twin sister... "She's probably tougher than you." If you won't join me, perhaps she will!" "What I told you was true, from "I lied, and now I'm trying to cover my a certain point of view." ass." "Luke, don't! it's a trap!"/ "We don't have enought faith in your "Master Luke, you're standing abilities, so we're constantly looking on a..." out for you." "I had no choice, they arrived "I was so frightened I almost wet just before you did." myself." "He's no good to me dead." "Be careful, please, it's rented." "The Empire will reimburse "That's your problem." you..." "This bounty hunter is my "This punk just made his *last* mistake." kind of scum...fearless and inventive." "You could use a good kiss." "Stop playing coy. You know you want it." "Tell them you'll grow angry "Use that 'point of view' crap on them." and use your powers." "But master Luke, I couldn't "I'm useless, as usual." possibly..." "My Lord, there are so many "Go meditate, and let us handle this." uncharted settlements..." "And now, your highness, "You're in for it now, bitch." we will discuss the location of your Rebel base." ___________________________________________________________________________ From: sguilfoyle@aol.com Date: 19 Jan 1997 06:36:41 GMT More Obi-wanics -- He betrayed and murdered your father. Meet your dad, Adolf Hitler. I have a REALLY Bad feeling about this. I have a REALLY Bad feeling... I orginally envisioned it as a 12-part I had a notebook full of space opera. unformed, structureless ideas characters with weird names, and no backers. I don't feel I was typecast as Luke. I feel I was typecast as Luke. If only you'd attached my legs. Run away, run away. Luminous beings are we, not this We are luminous beings crude matter. not crude matter. Hope this helps bridge the cultural gap. ________________________________________________________________________ From: vega@email.unc.edu (Vincent Berry) Date: 20 Jan 1997 00:53:10 GMT WARNING: Some of these are pretty tasteless. WHAT IS SAID WHAT IS MEANT "Protocol? Why, that's "I'd be pretty much useless my primary function?" to a redneck such as yourself." "I suggest a new strategy-- "Did you ever see 'Deliverance'?" let the Wookie win." "I've felt a grave disturbance "I smell something...have you in the Force..." been eating Mexican?" "You're not actually flying "What the Hell's wrong with you?" _into_ an asteroid field?" "Two fighters against a "Have you been drinking?" Star Destroyer?" "I've felt his presence..." "Did you get a whiff of that cheap cologne?" "Darth Vader. Only you "I'm filing sexual harassment could be so bold." charges against your ass." "Don't act so surprised, your "I know you've been sleeping highness. You weren't on any around on me, and now I've mercy mission this time." got proof." "This is Lando Calrissian. The "My incompetence has finally Empire's taken over the station..." caught up with me." "You have my word--not a "I plan to get liquored-up and scratch." take it joyriding." "I have this feeling that I might "Lando'll probably sell us out not ever see her again." again." "Hey, what are you trying to "Why are they making 'Shadows of push on us?" Empire' figures?" "We could almost buy our own "Scalpers! These figures are ship for that!" priced way above retail!" "I have the death sentence "I'm the guy that cancelled on twelve systems." 'Dr. Who'." (sorry, I couldn't resist) "All craft prepare to retreat"/ "We're in trouble--I think I just "We can't repel firepower of that saw a shoe!" magnatude"! "R2 has been known to make mistakes, "It's okay if you said 'Carrie', from time to time." nobody's perfect." Answer: "No! Quicker, Easier, more Question: "Is Star Trek ever Seductive...lead you to Destruction worth watching?" it will." "The Emperor's coming here? "Find us some more children, and We shall double our efforts!" cancel all breaks. Kathie Lee's just expanded her summer line." ____________________________________________________________________________ From: andrew@comtel.hna.com.au (Andrew Shearwood) Date: Wed, 22 Jan 1997 13:00:47 GMT First some George Lucas ones. Remember, it's only a joke, Lucas worshippers. I love what he's made and all, I'm just poking some fun at some of the things he has said. :-) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lucas Obi-Wanic Translation ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm doing it to make them how I I'd like to make my movie better, but originally intended. my main reason is to make a shitload of money. Now it's close to 93% of my original I'll do the extra 7% in another 20 vision. years and milk the fans for more money. It's my original vision. Ralph McQuarrie made most of the visual aspects up, and ripped a lot off of old sf productions. I can use new technology to fill the I can use new technology to fill the screen with new characters and ships. screen with new toys. I had the whole backstory written I basically make it up as I go along. from the inception. Expect lots of droids in the new Expect lots of new toys in 1999. films. I was originally going to have Chewbacca toys weren't selling Wookiees but we used Ewoks instead. enough. Ewoks are cuter. I hated the Holiday Special. They wouldn't let me sing. Episode I will basically be an Expect lots of Ewoks, Jawas and innocent kid's story. cute droids in Episode I. Oh gee, I don't know, I guess I needed *something* to drink coffee probably my favorite in terms of in, and it was free. All of the merchandise is the Wookiee Mug. merchandise is trash. That's the one thing I've kept out of the whole thing. ==================== Some ANH Obi-Wanics: ==================== ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANH Obi-Wanic Translation/Usage ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Death Star plans are not "This guy has no brains." in the main computer. We seem to be made to suffer. It's "My life is fucked!" our lot in life. Wait, what's that? A transport! I'm When a late bus or train finally saved! arrives. What about that blue one? We'll take When walking past the x-rated section that one. in a video store. Thank the maker! This oil bath is When you are about to take a going to feel so good. I've got such shower/bath. a bad case of dust contamination I can barely move! Well, not unless you can alter time, When someone asks if they can help. speed up the harvest and teleport me off this rock! I'm only a droid and not very "I don't know." knowledgable about such things. Uh, you can call me Luke. When someone asks you for your name. (laughing) Just Luke. When they ask you for your last name. Have you been in many battles? When your grandfather is raving about when he was in the war. Well I don't know anyone named ____, When someone asks you if you but old Ben lives out beyond the know ____. Dune sea. He's kind of a strange old hermit. No, my father didn't fight in the When your father says he fought in wars, he was a navigator in a spice the war. freighter. Don't be too proud of this When your son/daughter/sibling/etc technological terror you've shows you a lego toy they've made. constructed. Your sad devotion to that ancient An atheist to a Christian. religion has not helped us conjure up the stolen data tapes, or given you clairvoyance enough to find the Rebels hidden fort... I find your lack of faith disturbing. A Christian to an atheist. These are the same Jawas that sold When entering the toy store with a us Artoo and Threepio. friend. You will never find a more wretched When showing someone your bedroom. hive of scum and villany. We must be cautious. Do you really think we're going to When looking for a taxi cab. find a pilot there that'll take us to Alderaan? Lock the door, Artoo. Lock the door. You watch your language! When someone swears. What a piece of junk. When someone shows you their new car. Commence primary ignition. When starting the car. In my experience there's no such When someone wishes you good luck. thing as luck. Destroyed...by the Empire! When you've finished eating a meal. That's not a moon! It's a space When someone says the moon is station! beautiful tonight. Great for ruining intimate moments. Full reverse! Chewie, lock in the When attempting reverse parking. auxillary power. Get me a scanning crew in here on When you've lost something in your the double. I want every part of bedroom. this ship checked! We found the computer outlet, sir. When you've found an ATM. Where did you dig up that old fossil? When an archaelogist shows you a fossil. Well, more wealth than you can When someone asks you how much money imagine. you have. If you strike me down, I shall become When someone much bigger than you more powerful than you can possibly is about to beat the crap out of you. imagine. That's impossible, even for a When someone shows you SOTE on their computer. new Ultra 64 machine. Evacuate, in our moment of triumph? When someone says it's time to leave. You must repair him! Sir, if any of When taking a loved one to the my circuits or gear will help, I'll hospital. glady donate them. Hey! Hey! "Carrie!" ============================================================================= Some UltraBonus Classic RASSM Obi-Wanics for those who actually read the whole thing: ============================================================================= ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- RASSM Obi-Wanic: Translation: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- E me for my HUGE list. "Do you want to make me richer by paying for some average videos that I should be offering at much lower prices?" KJA sucks! "I'm so stupid I bought and read the entire KJA trilogy even though I despised the first book!" You're obviously not a True Fan. "I'm obviously an arrogant, egotistical, bastard." The Stormtrooper hits his head! "Stop! Don't shoot! I'm only a Newbie!" Where does the Stormtrooper hit his "I'm just fucking around with your head? head." test "test" where can I get naked pictures of "I want to masturbate to naked pictures of princess leia. pictures of Princess Leia." I've found the shoe/potato! "I have not found the shoe/potato." Gonk! "I worship a droid whose voice sounds like Ben Burrt farting into a microphone." ________________________________________________________________________________ From - Fri Jan 24 15:08:07 1997 From: bycer@red.seas.upenn.edu () Newsgroups: rec.arts.sf.starwars.misc Date: 24 Jan 1997 02:36:29 GMT Obi-Wanic Term or Phrase Translation or Etymology ----------------------------------------------------------------------- I've got a bad feeling about this. In an earlier version of this, the translation, was 'I've got a bad feeling about this.' However, this is due to a misunderstanding of the eastern people on the west side of town who live north of the river but south of the border. The correct translation is "We're in deep sh*t. I mean, I thought we were in trouble before, but I had no *idea* that it was this bad!" We're all fine. We're all fine "No, that wasn't what you thought it here. How are you? was. No, I'm not changing the subject. By the way, how 'bout those Mets?" Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so This is generally known as the joke precise. of the universe. It can either be used as a sarcastic comment, or as a punchline to any joke. i.e. 'Why'd the chicken cross the road?' 'Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.' and 'Did you hear what Congress just did?' 'Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.' I've got the death sentence in 12 "What did you say about my mother?" systems. It's the one that made the Kessel Run "Uh, my car can do the Indy 500 in is less than 12 parsecs. 200 miles." I'll have one of those. "Please don't card me." These aren't the droids you're looking "Oh, were you looking for these?" for. So, what I told you was the truth, "Well, basically, I was lying through from a certain point of view. my teeth." Leia! Leia is my sister! "You mean the girl that I, you know, last night. She was what?" Negative, negative. It just "Well, I'm dead." impacted on the surface. The Emperor is not as forgiving "You're dead. Moreso than usual." as I am. Asteroids do not concern me. "You're the one who has to do all the work." What is thy bidding, my master. "Now, what?" If you strike me down, I shall "Don't kill me! Please don't kill become more powerful than you me!" can possibly imagine. I'm on the leader. "Hey, everyone! Watch this! The Force is with you, young "You ain't so bad!" Also "You ain't Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi all that!" yet. You're all clear, kid! "Show me the money!" I care. "So...you doin' anything tonight?" Yub nub. "Say, can I see your Tickle Me Elmo doll? No, I won't do anything to it." Who's scruffy lookin'? Used as a self defense when you are insulted. He betrayed and murdered your father. "You know that guy who you hate, and everyone else hates? Guess who's your daddy?" ________________________________________________________________________________ From: stinky@shoes.bad.bo Date: Mon, 27 Jan 1997 14:51:40 GMT >----------------------------------------------------------------------------- >RASSM Obi-Wanic: Translation: >----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm going to the SE dressed I like to get beat up by people... as Re: Obi-Wanics I seriously need to get a life... SE will rake in about 400 mil My car is leaking carbon monoxide again... lion I'm buying the new stuff from Easy stomach.... Easy Taco Hell ________________________________________________________________________________ From: bwahlber+@pitt.edu (Brendon J Wahlberg) Date: 24 Jan 1997 18:34:36 GMT A few ROTJ Obi-Wanics... "And so, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So, what I told you was true...from a certain point of view. TRANSLATION: "Luke, it's a damned shame that Lucas really only planned to have Vader be your father during the filming of episode 5. Now, I have to try to lamely justify my earlier dialogue. You should read the early drafts of A New Hope, Luke. It will all become clear to you." "Your insight serves you well." TRANSLATION: "You kept a straight face while reading lines consisting of a spur-of-the moment, poorly written revelation. I'm proud of you. Soon, we'll get our paychecks and go home." "Look, Artoo! It's Captain Solo, and he's STILL frozen in Carbonite!" TRANSLATION: "Hello! Excuse Me! Is there someone in the back row who hasn't seen The Empire Strikes Back yet? I'm terribly sorry, but I have to make sure you understand the plot of THIS film! Oh dear Oh dear..." "Here, it won't hurt you. Look, it's a hat." TRANSLATION: "Seeing as how I've been doing too many drugs, it's great that they only wrote simple lines for me." "An entire LEGION of my BEST TROOPS awaits them." TRANSLATION: "Logic has been thrown to the winds. My troops will not survive. Teddy Bears will kill them with little arrows. This should come as good news young Skywalker. It means you will be able to defeat ME." "Twilight is upon me, and soon, night must fall." TRANSLATION: "I'll be dead in two minutes, Luke. Hurry up and finish what you were going to say." "The Emperor has something special planned for them. We need only to stop them from escaping." TRANSLATION: "A fleet of Star Destroyers would easily wipe out the rebel scum. Therefore we cannot risk it. This is a feel-good movie."