From: whit9463@buzzard.csrv.uidaho.edu (Brian White) Subject: SW:NO HOPE Cast Screen Tests Date: 1 Feb 1997 23:03:33 GMT From rudd@preferred.com Sat Feb 1 14:44:46 1997 Date: Sat, 1 Feb 1997 17:25:59 -0500 From: Jonathan Rudd To: whit9463@buzzard.csrv.uidaho.edu Subject: Fw: New SW movie casting > Here's their screen tests. > > > STAR WARS > > NO HOPE > > > Luke Skywalker: > > Obi-Wan: "The Force is what gives a Jedi his power, it surrounds us..." > > Dana Carvey: "Hmm...this doesn't sound like anything I heard from the > Bible. Where could this "Force" come from? Could it be....SATAN?" > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Adam Sandler (singing in his goofball voice): > "Millenium Falcon. > That Millenium Faaa-lcon. (Shamalongading-dong) > What is wrong with it?! > What a piece of *bleeep*!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Jim Carrey (making crazy faces the whole time): "Darth Vader! What a > loo-hoo-hoohoo-za-her. YOU, are in SERIOUS need of a butt-kicking! Go > kick his butt Han." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Han Solo: > > Jay Leno: "Artoo-Deetoo? What kinda name is that? Sounds more like a > brand of Vibrator. Don't you think Kevin...I mean, Threepio?" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Jeff Goldblum: "Yeah, um, uh I, you, I mean, uh, exactly what I'm trying > to say, er, well, uh, um, I have a bad feeling about this." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > John Travolta: "Hey Han, you know what they call Quarter Pounders in > France..." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Chewbacca: > > Dennis Rodman: "$##$@#&^&**&%##@%#$%" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Alf: "Hey Han! Look what I found back here when I was working on the > hyperdrive. A cat got in here and got fried! Yumm..." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Princess Leia: > > Pam Anderson: "OK, so now when Luke comes through the cell door, I'll be > sitting here with nothing on, right? Whoa, this metal bed is cold!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Dolly Parton: "Hey y'all, get this walkin' carpet outta my way so I can > sing my next number." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Demi Moore: "OK, so now when Luke comes through the cell door, I'll be > sitting here with nothing on, right? Whoa, this metal bed is cold!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > C-3PO: > > Leonard Nimoy: "Captain, the odds of successfully navigating an asteroid > field is 3720 to 1. Of course, if you invert the polarity on the ion > manifolds and direct them at..." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Van Damme: "Master Luke, get on the ship, I'll hold off 'dis entire > legion of storm troopers. Yaah!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > R2D2: > > William Shatner: "Luke...are...you sure...that we should GO...to > Dagobah...is...it...safe for...droids? Are there any...hot...green > chicks...there?" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Jackie Chan (words don't match his lips): "I'll help Threepio hold them > off. (jumps across the bottomless pit to attack storm troopers) Ahhhh!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Luke: "OK, I'm going in!" > Butt-head: "Huhu, huhu, he said...ahhrrg!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Obi-Wan Kenobi: > > Judd Hirsch (Goldblum's dad on ID4): "I'm not a Jedi, I just drive a > taxi, with Doc Brown. You think you're good enough to be a Jedi. I > think not. You're just an electrician." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Ronald Reagan: "Well, I don't know. I just think it's a bad idea to go > rushing home, I think you should go with me to Alderaan. You > should...what was I talking about? I can't seem to remember. Nancy?" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Bob Dole: "Ben Kenobi thinks that you should vote for Ben Kenobi. Ben > Kenobi is going to give you your father's lightsaber. Your father was > the best starpilot in the galaxy, and a good friend to Ben Kenobi. Ben > Kenobi says that Darth Vader used to be a pupil of Ben Kenobi's before he > turned to evil." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Dead Obi-Wan Kenobi: > > Elvis: "Luke, use the Force Luke, and find me some fried chicken. Thank > ya, thank ya very much." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Jimmy Hoffa: "...." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > George Burns: "Luke, don't worry about anything. I have the inside line > with God. Just let go with your feelings." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Lando Callrissian: > > Mr. T: "I pity the foo' who messes with my friends. Boba Fett, come > here!" *wham* *crack* > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Urkel (flies the Falcon out of the exploding Death Star): "Did I do that?" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Jesse Jackson: "Vader, that was never part of our deal. We agreed that > Affirmative Action would be..." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Boba Fett: > > Rocketeer: *fwoosh* "Ahhhhhhrg!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Vader: "No, disentigrations." > Brent Spiner: "OK, I'll just set my phaser to stun." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Jabba the Hutt: > > Roseanne: "I think that I'll just eat Skywalker, sit on Solo, and make a > new hairpiece out of the Wookiee." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > John Goodman: "Why did I ever try out for this part? I don't even *like* > frogs..." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Yoda: > > Luke: "Master Yoda." > Mel Brooks: "Yoda, just plain Yoda." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Ross Perot: "Now, what we have heeer is a rock. If you think you can > lift it, I've got a bridge to sell ya. What did you say? I'm listenin', > I'm all ears." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Arnold: "Judge me by my size do you? I could crush you with my little > peenky." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Admiral Ackbar: > > Tim Allen: "All ships take evasive action. Now, I think I can squeeze a > little more power out of these engines if I just tweak the > turbos...Aurgh-ar-ar-arg!" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Darth Vader: > > Clint Eastwood: "Do you feel lucky Luke? Well, do ya?" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Charles Bronson: "Now I don't want to have to shoot you between the eyes. > So I'll just cut you in half with my lightsaber." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > > Emperor: > > Bob Barker: "Luke Skywalker, come on down! Up for bid is your father's > place at my side! What do you bid?" > Luke: "uhh, $5 ?" > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Leslie Nielson: "Vader, please bring me my hemmoroid donut, this throne > is killing me." > ------------------------------------------------------------------------- > > Bill Clinton: "Hey, you. Royal guard guy. Could you go find me a > cheeseburger and a hooker? And try not to run into the Empress this time. > I'm running out of excuses." > -------------------------------------------------------------------------