From: huusko@cc.joensuu.fi (Mika Huusko)
Subject: The Special Special Edition
Date: 2 Jun 1997 17:18:42 GMT

Star Wars the Special Special Edition
              ^^^^^^^


1st ISD Gunner: "There goes another one."

2nd ISD Gunner: "Sensors indicate no life forms aboard."

1st ISD Gunner: "Excellent! Lets use it for target practice -- God knows
		 we really, really, really need it."

It took more than one shot -- quite a few actually -- but finally our
intrepid gunnery duo managed to blow up the escape pod, along with
the pesky droids and the secret plans they were carrying.
Since the rebels never got hold of those vital documents, none could
resist the Death Star, which quickly and effectively put the fear of God,
oh sorry, the fear of unca Darth and Palpy into the filthy peons throughout
the galaxy.

Princess Leia spent rest of her life in the Kessel spice mines, which
was a living hell for a snobbish aristocrat, unaccustomed to hard physical
labor.

Luke Skywalker did never leave Dantoine, and became a hick moisture
farmer. He later died in a bar fight at Mos Eisley.

Ben Kenobi was devastated by the total victory of the Empire and became
pitiful alcoholic. He stumbled in drunken stupor around the Mos Eisleys
darker alleys, using the jedi-mind trick to bum credits for booze, until
one day he choke into his own vomit in the restroom of a shady bar.

Han Solo and Chewbacca continued to work for Jabba the Hut, but they
never managed to raise the money Han owed, and thus became rancor-chow.

Now having the galaxy under the iron grip of their tyrannical rule,
Darth Vader and emperor Palpatine went to the emperor's 'summer cabin'
at Endor, and spent some time there, hunting the Ewoks to extinction!

THE END

"Oh please, make another Ewok-movie -- Evoks: The Genocide!"