From: jkb1@xwing.rebel.net (JKB-1)
Subject: AMALGAM: B5 & SW
Date: Fri, 11 Sep 1998 02:41:19 GMT

Indulge me for a moment.  I was thinking last night what would happen
if the Babylon Station had been entertained not just Rebo and Zooty,
but Max Rebo and his Zooty Band, a sort of squshing together of the
two universes.  My first thought was for everybody's favorite gambler,
"con artiste" and snazzy dresser; Lando Mollari, but for this
scenario, we begin with a different pair...

Before I begin, I should say ***SPOILERS*** for:
 Babylon 5 seasons 1-5
 Star Wars episodes 4-6
 Zahn's Heir to the Empire trilogy
 I might mention characters from other books but spoilers only in that
you'd know they show up somewhere.


And very few people will probably get this, but what's bandwidth for?

We begin with at end of Babylon 5's successful Rebellion as they
settle down to govern a New Interstellar Republic.  Princess Delenn
and Luke Sheridan are talking.

DELENN: Well, now we can get on with our lives.
SHERIDAN: Yeah, we can even ... well, unless...
DELENN: What?
SHERIDAN: Jeffery Skywalker, you love him, don't you.
DELENN: Of course...
SHERIDAN: Well, I won't stand in your way.
DELENN: It's not like that.  He's my ancestor.
SHERIDAN: Your ancestor?  Oh.  OH!
DELENN: Don't you have anything odd in your family background?
SHERIDAN: No, not really.  Kosh Vader tried to convince me he was my
father once.
DELENN: Really?
Yeah.  Made me want to jump down a bottomless shaft, let me tell you.
DELENN: <looking at him quizzickly>
       Aren't you and Jeffery splitting one role?
SHERIDAN: A lot of people say so, but we deny it.

A thousand-year old Minbari crystal timed to activate now projects the
hologram of Jeffrey Skywalker, with Minbari headbone, black Jedi robes
and a lightsaber hanging at his side.

SKYWALKER: You see, we had both wanted to fly the X-Wing Starfury.
SHERIDAN: Yeah, the freighters from this FX shop look like Fudgesicles
hanging on a barber pole.
SKYWALKER: No matter how many special modifications we did ourselves,
it wouldn't look "cool."
SHERIDAN: As my great-grandfather would say.

The hologram disappears as Garibaldi comes stomping in.

GARIBALDI: So, you'll dump that role on me?  Fine.  Drum me out of the
military, I'll go into business for myself.  But I ain't sticking my
neck out for anybody.  I'm just in it for the money, me and my... Hey!
Who's gonna be my co-pilot?
GHEW'KARA: I could take that position.  I do feel I owe you a debt of honor.
DELENN: I would think Ivonabacca would be better suited with her temperment.

IVONOBACCA: <wanders in pacing and ranting to herself>  Right.  Try to
get a nice challenging game of chess.  Nobody tries to play well
against me.  They all treat me like I'm going to rip their arms out of
their sockets.  Is it just me?  Do I project that attitude?  No!  The
problem is with the rest of the universe. <wanders out>
GHEW'KARA: We seem to have too many characters for a strict one-to-one
correspondence.
SHERIDAN: Too many women, for sure.  Who would Talia Winters be?
DELENN: Did you say Winters?
SHERIDAN: Perhaps, but let's reserve judgement for now.
GARIBALDI: And what about Lyta Alexander?
SHERIDAN: Hmm... Only one person she can be.  Strong in the Force,
Hand of the Vorlons, they saw through her eyes...
GARIBALDI: Of course!  The red hair!

LYTA: <ducks head into room>  But you will forget all about that.
GARIBALDI: Duh... Sure, OK.
SHERIDAN: Abso-fraggin'-lutely!

Lull in the conversation.  Lando Mollari (finally!) makes his entrance

MOLLARI: There you all are!  Perhaps you can relieve me of the burden
of these two!  They give me such a headache, I need... vhat is that
human drink that tastes so good.?... Colt-7Up!

He is followed by See-Lennierpio and Virtoo-Cotoo

LENNIERPIO: As I am well versed in protocol, my proper place is by
Princess Delenn, of course.
VIRTOO: And I would be with...? <at a loss>  ???
SHERIDAN: <firmly> You're with Lando.
MOLLARI: Bah.  I am sure he belongs to you.
SHERIDAN: No, we were just saying that there can't be a strict correspondence.

WEDGE: Well, don't try to combine me with Keefer, he didn't last one
season!
SHERIDAN: How about Zack?
<Wedge makes gagging motions>
MOLLARI: You brought it on yourself.  Ve vere about to wrap up this
parody vhen you came barging in.
WEDGE: You're not done by a long shot.  They're lined up down the
corridor: Admiral Piett, General Haig, Zathrus, Yoda, Tarkin and Clarke...
GARIBALDI: Can we call the Shadows back from the rim?


-from the cross-circuited mind of JKB-1
Zooty zoot zoot