Date: Thu, 28 Jan 1999 20:50:31 +0000 From: Jevon den Ridder Subject: Re: RICKI LAKE REPOST (was: Re: I can't get over Return of the Jedi) Rimrunner wrote: > > In article <78q03c$c0v$1@netnews.upenn.edu>, > Roland Lee wrote: > > [snip] > > >Luke: Leia, you're my sister. > > > >Leia: But, Luke, we- > > > >Luke: It didn't happen! > > > >Leia: But we- > > > >Luke: Dont' go there! It didn't happen! La la la la I can't hear you! > > Heh heh heh...looks like it's time to repost this: > > > > RICKI: Welcome, everyone. Today we're talking with everyone's favorite > dysfunctional family, the Skywalkers. People say that Star Wars is > fiction, but the Skywalkers' problems are real enough. > > LEIA: Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. Do you really think the > audience will sympathize with you? > > VADER: Don't be too proud of this appearance you've staged, Princess. The > ability to make a fool of yourself on national television is insignificant > next to the power of the Force. > > LUKE: Search your feelings, father. You can't do this. I feel the conflict > within you, let go of your hate! > > RICKI: As you can see, the Skywalkers have progressed beyond the problems > of your average dysfunctional family; not since Oedipus have the > relationships between parents and siblings been so screwed up. More after > this. > > [CUT TO commercial for Turtle Wax] > > RICKI: Welcome back! We're talking first with Luke Skywalker, who says > that his father cut off his hand when he refused to do what he was told. > Luke, can you tell us more? > > [CAPTION ON LUKE: Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight] > > LUKE: He wanted to turn me to the Dark Side of the Force, but I wouldn't. > We had a fight, and he cut off my right hand with his lightsaber. [SHOWS > right hand, encased in black glove.] > > RICKI: And Vader, what do you have to say about this? > > [CAPTION ON VADER: Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith] > > VADER: If he only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told him > what happened to his father. > > LUKE: He told me enough! He told me you killed him! > > VADER: No. I am your father. > > LUKE: No, that's not true...wait a minute, we've been through this > already. Sorry. > > RICKI: So you're saying your father was physically abusive. > > LUKE: That's right. When I wouldn't obey him, he threatened to turn my > sister instead. > > RICKI: That would be Leia Organa Solo, Luke Skywalker's twin sister. Leia, > is this true? > > [CAPTION ON LEIA: Leia Organa Solo, New Republic Councilor] > > LEIA: I wasn't there. But I know it happened. I could feel him in pain. > > RICKI: How could you feel that? > > LEIA: Through the Force. > > RICKI: So you believe in this Force too. > > LEIA: Yes. I'm not a Jedi, though. > > RICKI: I see. Okay, we're going to take a short break, but we'll be right > back! > > [CUT TO commercial for RASSM City Hotel. "Newly rebuilt--again--to serve > you better!"] > > RICKI: Now Luke, when you and Leia met, you didn't know that you were > related, is that right? > > LUKE: That's right. She came to Tatooine looking for Ben Kenobi to help > with her rebellion. He asked me to come with him to Alderaan. > > RICKI: Rumors are going around that you two had quite an affair for awhile > there. > > LUKE: [looking uncomfortable] Uh, no. Not really. I mean, she kissed me > once... > > RICKI: Really?! > > LUKE: Yeah. But that was it. > > RICKI: Mm-hm. And Leia, you're married now, right? > > LEIA: That's right. > > RICKI: And does your husband know about this? > > LEIA: He was there. > > RICKI: Wow! And he's, like, cool with this? > > LEIA: It's ancient history, really. > > RICKI: So we hear that your father had you tortured. Is that true? > > LEIA: Yes. That was before he knew he was my father. > > RICKI: But still...! Why did he do that? > > LEIA: To find out where the Rebel base was hidden. > > RICKI: And did he? > > LEIA: No. > > RICKI: Okay. Folks, we'll be right back, and we'll take some questions > from the audience then. > > [CUT TO commercial for Hi-Tone Lightsaber Power Cells. "Our batteries > helped Vader KILL the Energizer Bunny!"] > > RICKI: We're back! And we're going to take some questions from the > audience. > > AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: So, Leia, when you learned that Luke was your brother, > how did you feel? > > LEIA: I felt like...somehow, I had always known. > > AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: That's sick. > > LEIA: But I didn't *really* know, I mean... > > RICKI: That's okay, blame it on lousy scripting. > > LEIA: Yeah. I'd never really say that. > > AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Vader, how do you reconcile the fact that these are > your kids with the fact that you tortured and maimed them, and killed > their friends? > > VADER: You don't know the power of the Dark Side. I must obey my Master. > > AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: For chrissakes, you cut off your son's hand! > > VADER: He was right about me. He saved me. > > AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: What about, 'Once you start down the Dark Path, > forever will it dominate your destiny'? > > LUKE: Yoda said that, and he was wrong. He had to be, you see. It's part > of the hero-tale myth. > > RICKI: Okay, that's all we've got time for today. Tune in tomorrow when we > talk to the man who claims to have turned Cloud Friggin' City into a > pizza, and other strange and wonderful RASSM Sith War happenings! > > > > Rimrunner > it's all in good fun > -- > Murder of Crows: http://www.nwlink.com/~noah WANT A CD? EMAIL ME! > "It is the fact that someone could wind up using the phrase 'Because I was > there, bitch' in a discussion about a computer that wants more than > anything to be friendly and warm and fuzzy that makes me feel that the > Internet is the greatest thing ever introduced to human communication." > -- Jeff Vogel regarding the iMac You forgot the black women chanting, "You need some Force in yo life!" -- Jevon den Ridder http://www.angelfire.com/az/kalarba/index.html